Monthly Archives: March 2013

Mind At Play


Once in a great while, perhaps more often than not, my mind takes a bit of a vacation to notice what’s going on around me. 

  • How does slowly creeping closer into the intersection make the traffic light change to green any faster?  Is there someone watching a traffic cam saying, “Oh I had best hurry and change the light to green because that blue Honda is impatient!”
  • Why is it women seem to think bodily noises are rude….until one of them laughs hard enough to snort, then it suddenly becomes hysterically funny?
  • Why is there no such thing a Quiet Candy?  If you’re in a meeting, or church, or at a funeral or wedding, and you try to open a piece of candy…everyone knows it.  I have seen parents who seem to thing Benadryl is a good quiet church candy for their kids.
  • Whoever says everything “tastes like chicken” has never had chicken fried in the Deep South!  Let me just say this…tofu does NOT taste like chicken.  CHICKEN tastes like chicken.
  • Speaking of food, I would like to meet the person who finds new things to deep fry for the State Fair every year.  I’ve heard of fried Kool-Aid, Oreos, Jell-O, Twinkies, Snickers, and sticks of butter.  Nothing unhealthy there.

I’ve also learned a few things over the last few weeks:

  • If you are at the beach and feed the seagulls, the other patrons will seek to have you skinned and flung to the sharks.
  • I still don’t understand how boiling green leafy things is supposed to make them tasty.  My experience has been that it just makes them soggy.
  • If you lean back in your chair and fall backwards…it will usually take several minutes before the laughter dies down enough for anyone to think to check on you.
  • It’s best to wear underwear that’s rather festive, as long as they’re clean, just in case.
  • Animals are usually a good judge of character.
  • Coffee isn’t JUST for breakfast.
  • Cops won’t take the dollar bill of your desk, but leave your favorite pen…….and poof!
  • If you can catch a speakers attention and, with a look of urgency, indicate they have something hanging from their nose, they will become distracted.
  • Painting eyes on your eyelids for a meeting doesn’t work.

Sanity At Play

And just so you know, if you have something to eat and part of it is left on your face, only a true friend will be willing to point that out.  Or maybe not, they might wait until you’re in the middle of an important meeting to bring it up.



Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Alphabets and Arrogance

I trust you will pardon me should I offend with my viewpoint.  Oh FORGET THAT! They are MY viewpoints, after all, and if they offend, feel free to move along.

I happened to encounter a person or several, through the course of my life, who I would say qualified, in my humble opinion, as the Arrogant South End of a North Bound Donkey.  It’s not because of the REALLY bad comb overs (that fool NO ONE, by the way), or the fact that they chose to wear a suit and tie to places no suit and tie would want to go.  Not even because they demanded, required, and expected nothing less than complete obedience to their every utterance.  Rather what qualifies these particular persons to my list of Arrogance is their complete abuse of the alphabet and abbreviations!

One in particular not only insisted his family refer to him as “Pastor,” but he would call himself as “Pastor” when speaking with EVERYONE. And this person thoroughly enjoyed listing his degrees on everything from business cards to emails to business letters.  Please don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to people’s professional calling nor will I begrudge their education.  It all has to do with ATTITUDE. 

I have several degrees, titles, certifications, and a few awards, but you won’t find me listing them.  Why? Because degrees don’t impress me…PEOPLE impress me!  I don’t care if you have the finest medical mind in the universe, if you have the bedside manner of a jackass, you won’t be touching me much less peeking inside me.  You knowledge of law is irrelevant to me if you wish to treat me as though I am a complete dunderhead (which in legal matters I am, but that’s another point).

Is it REALLY so impressive to have a bunch of abbreviations after your name and/or titles before your name?  Or is it the person you are that is most memorable?

Here’s how I saw one person identify herself on her business card, letterhead, and all printed and electronic materials: “The Rt. Rev. Dr. Marialyse Montague Smythenhauser, B.A., B.S., M.A., M.Min., M.Th., M.S., M.S.W., L.M.S.W., Ph.d., Th.d., P.Sc.” I was advised to change the actual name for legal reasons, but the list of titles and degrees are direct copy.  Such a list tells me one of two things: 1. This person is older than dirt.  2. They had a lot of money and a lot of time to get such an educational list.

But if you think about it, what good does it do to have such an abbreviated alphabet? Who, besides you, do you think it will impress? Just sayin’.


Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Hypnotically Mesmerized

Mesmerizing…Clouds heavy with moisture…  

Watching the thick grey clouds drift by the window like whipped cream across hot cocoa.   Okay, perhaps not the best analogy, but they were grey, they were clouds, and they did drift.  And there I sat almost hypnotized.  

Please stop chuckling at the fact that so many things can capture my focus.  I can sit for hours watching the flame of a candle (btw, there’s an app for that), while my mind fades into some ethereal place where time is has no meaning and meaning has no time.    

It seems to be a most rare option these days…focusing.  We live in a world of constant distractions, lots of noise, lots of visual and auditory input. Yet when was the last time you sat quietly and watched the patterns of the raindrops on a window, or quietly listened to the rhythm of the wind in the leaves, just sat quietly?  

I went to one of my favorite thinking spots the other day in order to ponder the deep thoughts of the day, okay there MAY have been a pint or two involved.  Perhaps it’s just me, and perhaps not, but my perception was this…the moment I started reading and concentrating was the moment those around me seemed to have something to discuss with me.  

Those who know me can attest to the fact that I am not a chatterer.  I have a strong dislike for small-talk (what is known in Southern Regions as “chit-chat”).  Perhaps I am socially awkward in a dysfunctional sort of way, but it doesn’t rumple my stiltskin one iota to sit in silence.  

Those who know me also will most likely confirm that I tend to get a wee bit cranky with lots of extraneous noise.   One of the joys I get out of life is people watching.  Observing people going about their every day lives and watching (and listening) to their interactions (if you talk loud enough to me to hear you, I will listen. Just like if you are brazen enough to show me, I am brazen enough to look).  

One oddity I’ve found, and I realize there are exceptions, is that chatty people tend to shut up when they enter elevators with people they don’t know.  However, the cellphone chatterers don’t stop talking for anything.  

Have we lost the gift of quiet?

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Human Zoo

I had my list, mostly because I tend to forget things….a LOT, and headed into StuffMart to complete my mission of acquisition.  Now, I, like most men I know, have a strong dislike for shopping in the traditional sense (i.e., casually meandering up one aisle and down the next to see if there’s anything that strikes my fancy), when I go shopping there is an objective (the list), a plan (break last record time of getting out of there), and a tactical withdrawal (escape the car park without too many cart scratches).  

However, on this particular voyage, I decided to utilize my mind (brain games are supposed to keep the mind from mushiness) and use this opportunity to study the primate “human” in their habitat.  


My Observations are as follows:    

     *Most of the humans have cell phones which seemed to be attached to their heads. The conversations consisting mainly of: “uh huh”, “I feel ya gurl”, “yeah”. How one can carry on a conversation with such a limited response system baffles me.    These humans seem to desire to travel in large family gaggles which are spread out all across the aisles, moving like fish in a block of ice, with various young ones hanging on the cart, tugging on the “Mama” (this title is whined frequently and loudly by a young one who seems hypnotized and has long forgotten why they wanted the attention of “Mama” in the first place). These gaggles are like river flotsam which eventually dams the river by blocking the passage.    Choice of couture is rather odd.  The enormously baggy britches that require one hand to hold up and forces the wearer of said garment to walk spread-legged, whilst nasty undergarments (usually boxer shorts) poofing over the top of the pants like some sort of flag that has not seen a cleaner in many years.    

     *One particularly odd klatch of humanity is, what I call, “The Chatters Club.” These wish to converse with whomever they happen to see at the moment a question pops into their cranium.  I have, thus far, been queried about adult disposable diapers, hemorrhoid suppositories, whether melons looked appealing, my opinions of the President’s performance, if I would like to purchase a tiny box of Girl Scout Cookies for “a good cause” which usually means they are over-priced and guilt is used as a sales tool.    

     *In the car park, I observed herds of bewildered looking humans aimlessly wandering in the traffic (avoiding the inconvenient crosswalks at all cost) attempting to find their transport or friend or child or stopping to argue with the person on the other end of the cell phone.    

     *Then there are the exit points where humans seem to think it convenient to stop in the doorway with their cart full of merchandise so they can “double check” their receipt while completely oblivious to those wishing to actually exit the store who are now crashing into each other.

My conclusion…”Zoo: an excellent place to study the habits of humans” – Evan Esar.  Stuffmart is like gazing into the petrie dish of humanity.

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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