Once in a great while, perhaps more often than not, my mind takes a bit of a vacation to notice what’s going on around me.
- How does slowly creeping closer into the intersection make the traffic light change to green any faster? Is there someone watching a traffic cam saying, “Oh I had best hurry and change the light to green because that blue Honda is impatient!”
- Why is it women seem to think bodily noises are rude….until one of them laughs hard enough to snort, then it suddenly becomes hysterically funny?
- Why is there no such thing a Quiet Candy? If you’re in a meeting, or church, or at a funeral or wedding, and you try to open a piece of candy…everyone knows it. I have seen parents who seem to thing Benadryl is a good quiet church candy for their kids.
- Whoever says everything “tastes like chicken” has never had chicken fried in the Deep South! Let me just say this…tofu does NOT taste like chicken. CHICKEN tastes like chicken.
- Speaking of food, I would like to meet the person who finds new things to deep fry for the State Fair every year. I’ve heard of fried Kool-Aid, Oreos, Jell-O, Twinkies, Snickers, and sticks of butter. Nothing unhealthy there.
I’ve also learned a few things over the last few weeks:
- If you are at the beach and feed the seagulls, the other patrons will seek to have you skinned and flung to the sharks.
- I still don’t understand how boiling green leafy things is supposed to make them tasty. My experience has been that it just makes them soggy.
- If you lean back in your chair and fall backwards…it will usually take several minutes before the laughter dies down enough for anyone to think to check on you.
- It’s best to wear underwear that’s rather festive, as long as they’re clean, just in case.
- Animals are usually a good judge of character.
- Coffee isn’t JUST for breakfast.
- Cops won’t take the dollar bill of your desk, but leave your favorite pen…….and poof!
- If you can catch a speakers attention and, with a look of urgency, indicate they have something hanging from their nose, they will become distracted.
- Painting eyes on your eyelids for a meeting doesn’t work.
And just so you know, if you have something to eat and part of it is left on your face, only a true friend will be willing to point that out. Or maybe not, they might wait until you’re in the middle of an important meeting to bring it up.