Monthly Archives: April 2013

Dun Dun Duhhhhhhhh!!!!

Your phone rings. You look at the caller ID and you suddenly feel the cold splinter inserted into your heart.  It’s Susan. She likes to chatter like a monkey with engorged hindquarters (and resembles that in so many ways).  Your neighbors warned you that she would be calling with an invitation to the annual neighborhood block party, she happens to be hosting.

 

Your mind races through your catalogue of excuses not to go. Then your other catalogue of reasons not to answer the phone; as beads of sweat pour from your every pore, soaking your clothing as though you just ran through the carwash sans the car.  You’re instinct overrides on the third ring and your thumb touches the green key on your phone. Before you can get the phone to your ear to say “Hello,” Susan has already launched into her chatter-fest seemingly running in a loop through every phone call she makes.

 

“So I was talking to Lisa and Jim and you know how they just LOVE parties and I told them that I was hosting this year’s block party and they were just ALL into helping me but you know how I LOVE doing these things myself I mean if you want something done right now what I mean anywho I just called to invite you to come to the party we’re going to have SUCH a blast with all the games and fun it’ll be THE social event of the season look forward to see you there gotta run bye” *click*

 

By now you’re nerves have frayed to the point of crawling through your skin and off to Texas all on their own.  You practice deep breathing to try to calm your racing mind and restart your heart.

 

Finally, the day comes and you have just had an epiphany: small talk can be fun if used properly and it might just deter further invites from Susan and her ilk. You arrive at the party with your usual crockpot of chili and you are greeted by a disapproving “Susan Clone Committee” who seem to be in a dither that everyone brought chili instead of the smorgasbord of delicacies they had meticulously been assigned.  Hey, they should be happy you brought extra cornbread for your chili!

 KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Then the fun begins with Susan grabbing your arm and dragging you into her group of intimates.  She begins cooing about each person’s attributes, sounding more like a used tire salesperson working on commission. When she FINALLY takes a breathe for you to give each of her group the “once over” you make your move! You turn to Susan and in a loud, but conversational voice, say something to the effect of: “WOW! That zit you had earlier this week has come along nicely. You can barely see it with all that make up!” Followed by your pointing it out and looking closely at the spot (real or imagined).

 

The sad thing about “small talk” is that the same inevitable questions are asked:

  1. Where do you work?
  2. What do you do there?
  3. What did you think of the game?

 

Then the evaluation begins of:

  • your clothing
  • your shoes
  • your job
  • your job title
  • your salary
  • your cellphone
  • your cologne, aftershave, and/or deodorant
  • your hair
  • the amount of product in your hair
  • where you will fit into the “desirability” list with the female guests.
  • your car
  • where would your car finish if you raced the other guys.

 

Now….when you hang out with YOUR chosen friends, there’s a mutually agreed upon activity (usually eventually involving a couch), an unspoken (but quite regulated) menu of assorted foods that will raise your cholesterol, and the all accompanied by various sounds, cheers, various exotic forms of greeting (knuckle bumps, noogies, butt smacks, belly bumps, or the extensive menagerie of handshakes), and lots of quiet.  Not the awkward quiet, but the quiet that comes from having an unspoken conversation between friends.

 

Did I mention I am socially awkward when it comes to small talk? 

Awkward

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Thinking In The Rain

Coffee In The Rain

There is little that puts me more into a contemplative mood than drinking coffee in the quiet while listening to the rain outside.

Sadly, I know the quiet will not last. People have a way of disliking quiet and simply MUST bring noise. I don’t understand those who seem to want to make noise just to make noise.

So I enjoy the quiet while I can.

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Spared NO Expense

I was watching HGTV the other day and happened upon a show entitled, “You Live In What?” The premise being people purchase buildings, renovate then and live in them.  People buy some of the oddest buildings.  One person purchased an old 5 story pump house. Another purchased a Windmill in Holland. Yet another purchased an ocean going coal barge.  Each turn them into homes.  Not a bad thing to recycle such places into living spaces.

 

But as I listened to the announcer describe the renovations, the phrase that was used over and over was, “And they spared NO expense.”  Really?  There are folks out there with SO MUCH money that they can spare no expense?

Take for example trying to live in this:

Glass House

Couple of things I noticed about this bungalow…complete lack of privacy, a LOT of surface to clean, and doesn’t look very inviting. But I’m not the one living in it, so more power to the homeowner. Also see no means of plumbing or cooking. Guess that’s what the woods are for.

Then there’s this little gem:

Egg House

Is it just me or does this look like something created by Dr. Seuss?  I do find it more inviting than the glass house, and I’m thinking the utility bills must be one of those expenses that the homeowner has no problem with.

But I almost choked when I saw this one:

Potty House

Yeah, someone finds a toilet so appealing that they want to live in one.  That’s just awesome.  And, again, “They spared NO expense.”

Of all the homes I saw, this one was my favorite:

Pool House

But my question I kept trying to find an answer to was this, Apparently these people were just “driving by” and decided to buy, renovate, and live; so what do these people do for a living that they can afford to do this?

Call me odd (weird, eccentric, bizarre, whatever strikes you fancy), but you can only live in one room at a time. I’m not opposed to making something lovely out of something that has been abandoned.  But I am curious, how do they do it.  And the homeowners are so young!

But, I think it’s time for me to repair to my own lair for contemplation.

 

 

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WOOOO HOOOO!!! I Got An Award!

WOW!  That’s pretty much all I can manage at this point.  Nominated for the “Interesting Blog Award” by my new friend Running Without Socks. I took the liberty of creating my own award plaque to share, so hopefully you’ll like it.

Interesting Blog Award

 

*UGH* And then there are “The Rules.”  If it’s okay, my mind shall wander about opening the odd door, window, and grating to peer into the stacks of miscellaneous thoughts socked away to see what answers can be provided.

 

The Rules are as follows (no napping yet):

  1. Thank the person who nominated you. (DING)
  2. List five random facts about yourself. (see below)
  3. Nominate a minimum of 5 blogs for the award. (TBD)
  4. Ask the nominees 5 questions of your choice. (THIS will be fun).
  5. And finally, let them know you have nominated them. (Well THAT kinda spoils the surprise).

 

First things first, you have got to sneak over and spy out Running Without Socks. Quite amusing, insightful, and fun to read.  Please refrain from leaving nose prints on the windows, putting the milk back with nothing left but backwash (I hate that), and for goodness’ sake try not to leave butt prints on the sofa.

 

Now….on to business, five random things about me:

  1. I am an Introvert and am pretty boring in person. That’s my own opinion according to the voices in my head telling me that frequently.
  2. My socks seldom match. If they do, it’s purely chance.
  3. I have far more coffee travel mugs than I should, but I use them all at some point.
  4. I collect sock monkeys, but have to keep them out of the reach of the dog who thinks they are pretty tasty.
  5. My mind is like a sponge…..it used to be very absorbent, but now just kinda mildewy. Ever put your keys in your pocket then spent half an hour trying to remember where you put your keys?  Actually found them in the freezer once.

 

Jumping ahead a bit, Answer the 5 questions.  Okay RWS, you asked, so might wish to brace yourself:

  1. What are you listening to right now (if anything)? If not, what would you like to be listening to right now?

Right now I am listening to classical music for two reasons. It’s on the “approved list for cubicle listening” and it also reminds me of the old Bugs Bunny cartoons I enjoyed so much as a kid (and an adult). Although, come to think of it, I would like to be listening to the bells ringing because I had just won the Power Ball Lottery.

 

  1. What food would you hate to be without? (not basic staples – your favorite indulgence)

Let me explain how MY food pyramid works…what I like (indulgence) gets promoted to the basic staples category.  I would be MOST unhappy to have to forego my favorite meal: Won-Ton Soup and chicken fried rice! It’s my go to meal when I need a pick me up.

 

  1. If you woke up and were transformed to the opposite sex, what would be the first thing you do?

Duh…..get coffee!  Then try to contain my excitement at finally being able to understand women.  Then more coffee.

 

  1. If you could change your job title, what would it be? (not the job, just the title).

I’m rather fond of “Your Highness” or “Oh Captain, My Captain.”  Then there’s always “Light of My World” and “Koffee King.”

 

  1. City or Beach Vacation?

Beach, definitely.  Not just the beach…..private island beach, with a hammock in the shade and lots of ice cold beer.  Hey, if you’re going to dream…..

 

 

What are the 5 questions I would like to ask my nominees….oh, this might take some brainpower.  Back in a minute, more coffee required if thinking is involved. I was never good with essay questions, preferring multiple choice instead.

 

  • If a single event in your life could be prefaced by, “That Awkward Moment When…” what would it be?
  • Using only five descriptive words, what are your pet peeves?
  • You discover that you are the victim of a practical joke, to you get angry or do you laugh….and, of course, why?
  • If we met face to face, over coffee of course, what would you like to talk about?
  • If you had the opportunity to hug one person that you don’t already know, who would it be and why?

 

My Nominees are……..go ahead and take a potty break, you’ve had a lot of coffee…we’ll wait and talk about you while you’re gone.

 

            Rachie Adventures

            Reality In Progress

            Laura Davies

            Buddha Kat

            Doc

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Hang On! There’s Going To Be Turbulence!

Bumpy Road

*Ding* please secure your belongings and return your seats and trays to their original upright position.

 

Shift your mind into gear and follow this logic for a moment:

  1. Your vehicle (auto, motorcycle, moped, bicycle, golfcart) has tires.
  2. Tires are filled with………air.
  3. Thus, you are technically riding on………tightly packed air.
  4. Said air packages help cushion your ride.
  5. Why? Because there are no completely smooth roads.  They don’t exist.
  6. But with the cushion of air, the ride is smoother than riding on, let’s say, rims.

 

Now, what does this have to do with anything? Very simple, it’s an analogy about life.

“How so?” you might ask. GOOD QUESTION!!

 

As we saunter, sachet, cha-cha, funky chicken, mambo, walk, run, hobble, or otherwise transport ourselves through this thing called “life” it is best to remember it WILL be a bumpy ride. Thus, we have some choices to make.  We can decide that we’ve had enough, sit down, and refuse to move.  We can, go blindly along the road constantly being surprised that the road isn’t smooth and perfect (which leads to much frustration, irritation, consternation, and perhaps even constipation). OR we can open our minds and accept that there will be ruts and bumps along the way; thereby going around those we can, jumping over those we can, sidestepping those we can, and trudging through those we cannot.

 

If there were no bumps or ruts or wrinkles, life would be boring, dull, and uneventful. And as much as we may say we’d like uneventful, we both know we’d go bonkers. Life is not what happens to us.  Life is what we DO with what happens to us.

 

See? I’m not nearly as big an idiot as I might appear.  Almost, but not quite.

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

And Don’t Call Me Shirley!

Today was one of “those” days where my mind thinks too much and my thoughts are far to scattered to make much sense, but here goes anyway.  Permit me to preface this entry by telling you that I had bloodwork done this morning which means I started my day coffee-less and can’t seem to get the caffeine to catch up with the requirements of the day.

 

Having said that, a point was proven again today that I had heard in my youth.  Youth…that time in your life when anyone over 21 was “old” and had no idea what they were talking about.  That’s when I had been told that Little Courtesies Mean A Lot. At the time, I thought the person who told me that was one brain cell away from a complete breakdown, but now I know I was wrong.

 

It’s true, little courtesies mean quite a lot.  Allow me to elaborate. Go ahead and get a beverage.  Perhaps a snack while you’re up.  I can wait.

 Waiting

 

We seem to take courtesy for granted or consider it to be antiquated (much like the code of chivalry, speaking in whole words, and surrendering our seat for a lady).  But this morning, after the vampyr took her portion (I don’t give blood, they have to take it from me), I stopped at Starbucks for a jolt of java which my blood seemed to be lacking.  Yes, I realize that Starbucks is not the best choice for coffee, but it was on my way and I was desperate.  While waiting for the barista to brew my selection, I noticed a rather well-known individual on his cellphone while attempting to put one of those cardboard sleeve thingies on his hot coffee without uttering vile things that might have offended his customer.  Since I had the time, I took one of the cardboard sleeves and slipped it on his cup.

 

He continued his conversation and walked away, at which point, my mind was thinking “Well….that’s rather rude!” and other similar reflections.  The barista called my name, handed me my cup, and I thanked her profusely (hey, it’s the first caffeine I had been able to have since yesterday, so “profusely” was, in my mind, well deserved).  When I exited and headed for my car, someone tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned and saw the cell phone talker standing there in his expensive suit and accoutrements of status and said, “Hi. How may I help you?”  Mr. Cellphone shook my hand and thanked me for helping him with his coffee.  He didn’t have to do that, but that act of courtesy made my day.

The small acts of courtesy truly do make a difference!

What does this entry title have to do with this post? Absolutely nothing. Just keeping you on your toes.  😉

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Logically Illogical

Logic is a tricky thing because it is based on one’s process of thought. I have wondered, as I am a wonderer, who came up with a certain thought process and decided “Oh that is a logical argument, thus I dub thee ‘Logic'”. But, once again, my mind has fallen from the train of thought and tumbled into the woodline.

The reason I bring up Logic is because of some advice I received recently. I made the comment that would like to lose some weight, and was told that logically it was a simple feat….stop eating. Hmmmm…..sounds reasonable….sounds logical…..but in reality it’s quite the idiotic advice. If you subscribe to such a way of thinking, then if one would be rid of a headache then one should simply remove their head. Or if you wish to stop coughing, then simply stop breathing.

It is so easy to be opinionated and declare your opinion to be a logical argument. But consider this, looking into the fishbowl does not make you a goldfish. Standing in a carpark does not make you a car. Having an opinion, especially one not completely thought through, does not make one wise.

Unless you are a goldfish, you have no idea what it’s like to BE a goldfish. And for that matter, what may not be a crisis or a struggle for you might be a HUGE challenge for someone else. The best wisdom is doled out sparingly and is tinged with experience.

Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Clown Cars and Other Relationship Fun

We’ve all heard the stories before. Some so sickeningly sweet that they leave a syrupy feeling on your skin.  Some so incredibly horrendous that the truly dark side of rage begins to manifest within.  Some are a series of ups and downs that are reminiscent of mountain road.  Some are so packed with stories that it’s as if you’re watching the clowns pop out of the clown car next.

 Clown Car

Every one of us has a trunk full of relationship stories. Understand, I am not the ideal advice giver, by ANY stretch of the imagination.  I have had a few foul-ups, screw-ups, bloopers, and the odd wasp in the ointment. So take from my experiences what you will, and do attempt to keep an open mind. Giggling, gafortling, and raucous laughter are acceptable. Judgementalism is welcome to leave now!

 

The first piece of the relationship puzzle I’d like to address are the “games.”  Why are we SO afraid to let someone know how we feel?  Because they may not feel the same way? Okay, if they don’t, MOVE ON!  And, while we’re on the subject, how do you know how they feel about you truly?  Could they simply be telling/showing you whatever will get from you what they want?  Been there, got the scars to show for it.

 

Second, as a people watcher, I’ve seen people (and experienced this first hand) completely change personalities when the object of their affection is near.  They can go from verbally giving a store clerk a two-fisted prostate exam, to the gentlest butterfly in a single breath.  Why is that?  If you wear masks in relationships, what do you do when the mask slips?  Isn’t that mask a LOT of extra effort to try to maintain?

 

Third, expecting your special flutter builder to change their personality to suit you…? Seriously? How many times do you think they’ve had someone try to change them? Now if you and your finkleheimer truly want the relationship to grow, then changes will be made by BOTH. 

 

If you don’t seem interested…don’t expect your partner to continue to seem interested.  Leave the whole coy thing to the fish (yes, that’s koi but I was making a pun). If you are interested, show it. If you’re not, don’t wonder why nothing happens.

 

In short, if you want a relationship to work, treat your partner the same way you want to be treated.  Quit the games.  Have fun! Talk! Laugh! Enjoy!

Relationships

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

So…You Like Lists?

I’m given to understand that people who read blogs enjoy the odd list or two, as it tends to be easy to read and personalizes the author.  I’ll admit, lists do intrigue me somewhat, but I find that if one wishes to personalize themselves, then perhaps an anecdote from their daily life or some opinion they wish to be made known, would serve the better purpose.

 For those who like lists, I have two:

Liste The Firste

  1. Eggs, large
  2. Laundry Detergent
  3. Toothpaste
  4. Shaving Cream
  5. Oranges (or other fruit)
  6. Coffee
  7. Butter (the heart healthy stuff, not the good real stuff)
  8. Rice – non bleached
  9. Tea – it IS the South, after all and Iced Tea IS delicious.
  10. Peanut Butter

 This is part of my list for the grocer. Hope you found it helpful and informational.

 

Liste The Seconde

  1. Exercise a bit more.
  2. Write more with pen and ink.
  3. Coffee Mug
  4. Fan blades
  5. Blinking Voicemail Light
  6. Almost Empty Candybox
  7. Day Dreams
  8. Sock Monkeys
  9. Facial Tissues
  10. Cheese

 

This is merely thoughts that popped into my mind whilst writing my list for the grocer. Hopefully you found this equally informative and enlightening.

On a more conclusive thought, (yes, there IS a point to this ramble) a quote caught my eye this morning.  The quote did, in fact, return my eye while it rattled around my mind seeking a place to grow.  Oh yes, the quote: “Little by little, one travels far” – J.R.R. Tolkein.

 Ponder that for a moment. When we journey, we must go in increments.  One cannot travel miles without traversing inches.  One cannot explore the vastness of space without passing through the molecules of the atmosphere.  One cannot learn physics, without learning the mathematical basics. Who we are has been a series of small steps.  We have grown and learned and, hopefully, become wiser one breath at a time.

 We all have goals we would like to achieve. Rush not into that dark night too quickly, or you might not notice the bend in the path. Yeah, feeling philosophical right now.

  Waterfall Rainbow

 

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Walkabout Wonderings

Wandering Mind

While driving along to a destination I’ve been to many times before, so much so that “auto-pilot” often kicks in, and having turned off the radio, was having a wonderful think. As you know, I do enjoy having a contemplation. Yet is was during this thinking time that my mind apparently toddled off into the mists in search of a more suitable vacation spot, because I missed my exit and had to drive another 15 miles out of the way to backtrack.

 

This, believe it or not, began yet another contemplative moment. While I cannot speak for everyone, I can tell you that, according to a news report, scientists have decided that the mind never stops working throughout our lives. The more I thought about this, the more sense it made.  It would certainly explain my bouts of insomnia, some of the daydreams, perceptions, the way my imagination takes over and brings a book to life.  There was a time when my mind would bounce from thought to thought much like a pinball machine (for those who remember them).  However, as time has passed, my mind doesn’t bounce as much any longer, it tends to amble from door to door seeking things to think about.

 

Take yesterday, for example, I was beginning to think about having another cup of coffee when my mind began its saunter:

  • Coffee.  I like coffee.  Coffee is good.  But only hot coffee, not that iced sugar laden stuff they call McSomething at the McPalace of McCholesterol.
  • Coffee comes from beans which come from the cherry of the coffee plant. Cherry cobbler would be good with ice cream.
  • Wait….did someone scream?  Oh just my tummy rumbling. Must be time for something to eat.  Did I eat breakfast? Did I take my meds? Who is that talking in my head.  Sounds like Robin Williams on a bender. 
  • Bender….Futurama comes on tonight! Woo Hoo. Bender likes beer. Beer…bean….they sound similar.
  • Wait….coffee comes from beans.  Beans….Oh yeah, having Mexican for lunch.
  • Lunch is coming up soon. Wow, I need to get fuel. And maybe a soda.
  • Soda makes me belch. Good thing the windows are up.
  • Windows are up, no wonder it’s hot in here. Turn on the A/C.
  • AC/DC rocks! Where’s that CD? Wow, we use a LOT of abbreviations.

 

All this internal discussion was within a few minutes.  Then I began to wonder, What if your thought process could be written down. What would your reader say about you?

 

Hmmmm……something to think about.

Mental Vacation

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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