Monthly Archives: September 2013

I Was Turned Into A Newt…But I Got Better

Good afternoon.  I realize it’s been a while since last I let loose the gerbils of my mind for some fresh air, so whilst they are having a romp about, you are stuck with me.

 Gerbils on a Bender

When you stop laughing and start breathing, we can continue…..


Here’s a gasper for you, a realization that slapped me awake faster than my morning coffee: I’m not perfect!  Give that a moment to sink in and the screaming of disbelief to subside.


It’s true though. I am in no way perfect, or invincible, or “good enough” by any standard.  But guess what? I don’t care!  I’m not here to impress anyone, smug though that may sound, it is, nonetheless, the truth.  I am rather an introvert, not given much in the way of “chatting” or small talk. As a matter of fact, I am a contemplative by nature, preferring to ponder and consider and observe.  That moment when you pick your underwear out of your butt and thought no one saw, you were seen by a contemplative.  I’m the person in the car next to you cringing while you attempt to sing the high part on Bohemian Rhapsody (and let you get well ahead of me in traffic so I no longer have to hear it).


But for most of my life, I dealt with Atelophobia.  I believe most of us have to some degree, and many still face it every day.  Atelophobia, for those who haven’t looked it up by now, is the fear of being “imperfect or not good enough.”  In a world that demands perfection, it’s difficult not to have this phobia. Thank goodness for airbrushing photos, photoshop, masks, and darkness (those who have photos of me are thankful for these).


But here’s the part I like best: I no longer care.  I have FINALLY reached the point in life where I no longer give a rat’s dinkle if I “measure up” or have reached “this tall so I can ride this ride.” Why? Because it is much easier to be who I am than pretend to be what someone else expects of me. 


I sing badly, so I sing where no one can hear me (i.e. in the shower where the acoustics are fabulous).  I dance like a one legged frog on a hot pavement, so what? If that bothers you, don’t watch me.  I’m not a good conversationalist until we get to know each other, so feel free to inquire and let’s get to know each other.


When you look in the mirror, do you see someone trying to be what others expect you to be or do you see the wonderful gift that is YOU? So….Am I “good enough”? No! I am so much more than merely “good enough,” I am ME and I enjoy it!

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Forgot That I Am Forgetful


Got a note the other day that said, “The biggest lie I tell myself is that I don’t need to write it down to remember it.”  Which is true for me because when I write something down, I usually forget where I put the note until several days after I needed to accomplish what the note said. Sadly, that little note usually falls out of my file in one huge lump of other notes to myself.

 Remembering is becoming more of a challenge for me, not because of my age (that I will admit to, if I remember), rather more due to the sheer volume of things requiring memorization. The note method worked for a while, then I kept forgetting where I put the note. So I graduated to keeping a notebook with me in order to record thoughts to be recalled later.  Now I am finding notebooks all over my house with lists of things to remember that I had forgotten.

 Some other methods of recall have been:

  • The string on the finger (which failed due to the string interfering with my fingers and subsequently being removed prior to fulfilling its purpose).
  • Writing a note on my hand. (permanent marker is a bad idea, especially when one has to meet with the boss. Temporary markers simply rub off).
  • Making up a rhyme. (Haven’t found anything to rhyme with Assessment as yet)
  • Voice recording (I hate the sound of my voice on the recordings)
  • I do use a whiteboard, but as it is at my office I can only put office stuff on it.


I have opted for the gender memory system.  I will tell my best friend who will not hesitate to remind me if I irritate her. Actually, she reminds me of many things I don’t remember asking her to remember.

 Ah well, one good thing about being forgetful is I don’t remember what I’ve forgotten but if it’s important someone will undoubtedly remind me that I forgot it.

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Warped Sense of Humour Only!

The only people who need to view this are those of a warped, odd, rude, or crude sense of humour. You have been forewarned!

Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Nugget From Wisdom Owl #2

Wisdome OwlIf your boat floats, don’t wait for the wind, grab the oars and row!

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Nugget From Wisdom Owl

Wisdom OwlWhile traveling life’s road remember: “A great parking place is tempting but doesn’t mean you’ve arrived at your destination.”

Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

In The Quiet Stillness

Contemplative StrollQuiet is the best atmosphere my mind enjoys. Quiet, though never silent.  Time when thoughts coalesce and form from the fragments scattered in the mists. Thinking is a wonderful hobby. Contemplating and pondering.

Had someone recently tell me that I was odd for enjoying thoughtful times of quiet. It is they who are odd, for expecting their opinion to change who I am. It has taken a long time for me to accept who I am, and even to like who I am. So there!

A nugget of wisdom I wish to pass along, if I might:

“There is no failure except the failure to try.”

Accept who you are, or accept who others want you to be. Your choice, your life. Take a stroll and mull it over.

I am Paul, and I am an introvert!



Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Beg Your Pardon?

I feel fabulousOur language has developed over the course of time into where we are today, as difficult as some of the verbiage is to comprehend.  If you look at the language from say Shakespearean Era, you will find the writing to be very wordy and lengthy.  It’s as if the simple question “How are you?” required a complete dissertation of the family medical history culminating in the graphic description of every creak and ache of the current body.  Skip ahead to the 19th Century and you still see lots of words, but not so many. This was the time when a letter was very newsy and quite lengthy, but with a certain economy of ink.

Think for a moment of some of the things you probably have never heard or said (out loud):

  • “Please understand my dilemma, Professor, my paper will be late because my panda lost the chess game to the squid.”
  • “The field mice have blown up the bridge, we’ll have to take the detour.”
  • “Not that anyone cares, but the octopus is stuck in the blender again.”
  • “The bendy shoes are a nice shade of clear.”
  • “Please stop staring at my scapula.”
  • “Yodeling should be an Olympic Event.”
  • “Painting the tires pink is a GREAT idea.”
  • “I don’t care if I’m the CEO, I want to save jobs by taking a pay cut.”

Now think of some of the things we actually do say:

  • “ASAP”
  • “OMG”
  • “CEO”
  • “EPA”
  • “ETA”
  • “MPG”
  • “MPH”
  • “IAI” (I’m An Idiot)

And we continually seek ways to say more with less verbiage.  Before long we will only speak in abbreviations. TTFN!



Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments



Whilst enjoying my morning coffee at my favorite office away from the office this morning, I noticed a group of older gentlemen seated around one of the tables. Engrossed as I was in writing my assessments from yesterday, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation. Actually, several of this coffee klatch were apparently hard of hearing because the conversation was a tad loud.

I listened to these men recount their lives and they regaled the group (and those of us who were within earshot) with their opinions, thoughts, solutions, and then came the kicker….all the awards and recognition they had received. For some odd reason my mind recalled my childhood, seeing the faded names on tarnished brass or worn, barely recognizable names on dull placards; how many people actually remember those to whom these names had been given?

Don’t get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with awards and recognition, but such moments are fleeting yet we pursue these moments like a shark after a wounded fish.

As I sat there enjoying the stories of the men’s club my mind kept playing “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen. Without stories life would be so boring, but each day brings new tales to be lived and written. Me? I do not wish to be remembered. Yes, that may sound rather brutal, but I have no desire to be remembered by name. I wish to have touched people’s lives in such a way that they have no need to remember me because we are part of each other.

But that’s just me. Long live coffee klatches!

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Shush! I’m Thinking Here!

As a youngster, people annoyed me.  When it came time to go to the play yard, I would find some out of the way place and read.  My parents and teachers thought I had a mental problem or had anti-social tendencies.  I, on the other hand, while not realizing at the time I was introvertish, simply didn’t like all the noise and activity. It made me tired, and gave me a headache, and, quite honestly, just prefer the exercise of my mind. 

While I don’t claim to know or understand all the physiological, mental, spiritual, emotional, or complete oddness of introversion, I do acknowledge that “I Are One”.  During social gatherings a plan is developed and put in place almost as complicated as Mission Impossible.  While there’s no secret, self destructing mission messages, there is a cooperative effort amongst a close band of friends that is triggered upon the issuance and acceptance of the obligatory social activity invitation.

A pre-arranged time is set for our departure strategy.  This will usually be no later than 90 -120 minutes into the soiree.  At the predetermined time, the chosen individual will pocket dial the rest of us, or develop some sort of distress (stress of these situations does this), or we will step out for some air and slip away.  We will make a point to thank our host, upon our arrival, for inviting us. 

Admittedly, during company dinners, this strategy is not easily employed, but we tend to arrive early to select our seats near the exit so we can make discretionary escapes to the lobby and/or lavatory as needed.  Having a bar in the lobby is quite helpful until the bartender gets tired of our escaping there.

I happened upon a wonderful book by Sophia Dembling called “The Introvert’s Way” (shameless plug that I don’t get any royalties for), and upon reading it, saw my own life habits in her words.  Needless to say, it is always good to know that Introverts are not alone, even though we like to spend time alone.  There should be a club where we each have our own soundproof cube and can all be alone together.

Anyway, where was I going with this?  Oh yeah, a few things about introverts I have learned:

  • Introverts are weird, not psychotic.
  • Introverts recharge our minds by being quiet and processing.
  • Introverts can sit together for hours without speaking more than 3 sentences.
  • Introverts ARE social, just not in the way some might think.
  • Introverts have an incredible sense of humor, albeit sometimes subtle and dry.
  • Introverts enjoy having coffee conversations (if you talk with coffee in your mouth it will burn and stain, so the silence pockets are greatly desired).


Please do not take offense, but I am one of those insane people who believe libraries are for reading, not chatting or eating or engaging in various amorous activities in the reference sections.  If you have the need to smack or pop your chewing gum, rattle your candy wrappers, or have a nasal ailment, please step to the restroom and deal with that, as a courtesy.

Which brings me to another question: Why are the wrappers for foodstuffs always so loud? 

Anyway, that’s what has been meandering between my ears for now.  Feel free to ponder at will.



Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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