Monthly Archives: October 2013

My Clone Would Plot My Demise!

cloning panda 1Clone Panda

Last week was one of those weeks where I wish I could have had a clone.  The thought of having a clone has its appeal:

  • Conversation would always be amazing and informative.
  • I could actually BE in two places at the same time
  • There would always be someone to go have coffee with.
  • Not to mention the sheer power of the sexy awesome dorkiness times TWO!
  • I’ve seen me pre-coffee, and I would know instinctively not to speak to me until fully infused.
  • The entire coffee industry would LOVE the idea.
  • I would know not to bother me while I’m thinking. And I would know that I am an introvert with misophonia, so I would know not to make loud annoying noises around me.

Then said I to myself, or was it to my clone to be, I can never remember, ah, such are the way of things I suppose:

  • I could never win an argument with myself.
  • I would be impossible to throw a surprise party for me.
  • I could never blame my mistakes on anyone….except the clone me…..who is me. Ah, crap!
  • I could never “borrow” (steal) soda money from me, because I would know I would do that and I would catch me doing it or I would try to hide it from me and because I know where I hide things, neither one of me would get any sleep.
  • I could never give me directions, because both of me are completely directionally challenged and need a GPS to find our way out of a t-shirt.
  • And then there’s the whole, “Who used all the hot water?” disruption. Of course, I know I used all the hot water, so why am I even asking me if I used all the hot water, and I really need to get out of my face about it before I punch my lights out.

Hopefully, you can see my dilemma.  Alone, I admit to being pretty amazing in a goofball sort of way. Cloned…one of us would have to go, but which one…..? (insert maniacal laugh here)

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Inspired by…..Kool Aid!

 

kool-aid

Inspiration comes to us in so many ways.  Isn’t it odd how we are all basically the same, that of being humans for the most part, yet we are inspired by different things.

I find inspiration in the beauty of objects while another can look at the same objects and see only the utility of them.  One might see beauty and inspiration in numbers, while I find them to be a good cure for insomnia.  One of my friends is completely enthralled by the beauty that he finds in science, whilst all I get out of it is an annoying buzzing sound behind my eyes.

 I thoroughly enjoy the vibrancy of colors, being that I enjoy tie dye like a true hippie (except I do believe in bathing and shaving regularly).  But I have never heard of a vibrant shade of bright brown. Why is that? Who is responsible for the color scheme?

 Inspire and you will have given a gift of immeasurable worth.  While I do not advocate cavorting about in yellow pajamas out of doors, nor having a frolick in lime green spandex (gratuitous Green Lantern reference). I dare say, find what inspires you and share it with others.

 Speaking of spandex, why does that seem to be the material of choice for almost every super hero? Just a wandering thought that popped in during the contemplatory process.

 Inspiration…what is it that inspires you?  If you aren’t sure, perhaps this might be an opportunity to go with me to the grocer.  I always enjoy a wander through the grocer.

Thoreau

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

You Rang?

Imagine my annoyance when I get a call on my work cellphone from……a telemarketer!  I will admit that I am FAR from a fan of the over advertising which has become so common place.  Advertising has become so over the top that people are actually selling space on their bodies for companies to advertise their products or services. 

Having done some thinking, brainstorming (there was lightning AND thunder), and creative pondering, some ways have been suggested to vent and express displeasure at being bombarded with such annoyances since the “opt-out” and “do not call” are ineffective options:

  • when the envelope arrives stuffed full of cards requesting a mailing address so they can send me information (and sell my address to other marketing firms), place the cards in two stacks. Take the company addresses in stack one and write it on the cards of stack two…and likewise for stack two onto stack one.
  • I have downloaded a recording of a staged “amorous event” in which the actors quite “vocal” (script writing for such things must be extremely tedious). When a telemarketer calls, I simply ask them to hang on for a second while I finish something up, then play the recording at an enthusiastically appropriate volume.
  • Then there’s the idea of stuffing post paid envelopes with various other coupons, cartoons, photos of pets and hope the recipient enjoys the effort.
  • Telemarketers seem to be offended when asked for the best way to dispose of a dead and dismembered door-to-door salesperson.
  • Speaking of door-to-door salespeople, they do seem to be rather taken aback when you answer the door wearing a BBQ apron, no shirt, (shorts which are hidden behind the apron) and a smile. Then ask them, “So you’re the hooker I ordered? BRAVO! Come on in, the party is on the deck!”
  • Another variation of this is to snatch the door open, look around furtively and state loudly, “What took you so long? The sacrificial table is ready and we just can’t wait all day!”

Let me be clear, I have nothing against those who have to deal with the public as a telemarketer, envelope stuffer, or door-to-door sales.  I do have a beef with those who seem to think bombarding me with endless advertisements will somehow entice me to purchase products and services that, apparently, I am too stupid to seek out myself.

But that’s just me.You Rang

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Coffee Chats With Morty…

Coffee ChatToday is one of those days where my schedule is pretty full of sessions to conduct, but they are far enough between that I have the chance to think and ponder.  This is very important for an Introvert, because quiet time to process is almost akin to breathing. But it is during these productive thought parades that I have an internal coffee chat whilst I sit quietly with my coffee.  My internal “Keeper of the Brain Flame” is named Mortimer Farnsfoxington Irakafenfeld-Smythe.  Or for those who are familiar with such an inner companion, “Morty” will do.

Morty and I have been having talks since I can remember. Not the psychotic “break-out-the-strait-jacket” type of conversations, but just trying to see a situation from as many perspectives as possible. This method of perspective seeking has been quite handy during my current occupation as a Law Enforcement Chaplain. Let’s face it, people are quite the odd critter, and some are nuttier than a bald duck on ice.

Morty and I were having a bit of lively debate a while back, partly regarding where to have lunch, and partly about a situation I was dealing with due to one of my counselees feeling they were “not good enough.”  I could empathize with this person, because for most of my life, I have been told that I, too, was not “good enough.” Painful though those times were, and still are, the debate was on.

Me: “What do you think about Jill? How would you handle it?”

Morty: “The question might be about Jill, but the reason you question is closer to home.”

Me: “I have locked that away! Right now, I must help Jill.”

Morty: “By teaching her to lock feelings away? Doesn’t sound very helpful at all.”

Me: “Okay, smart guy, how would YOU deal with Jill!”

Morty: “By facing my own demons first. It’s not a good idea for a blind monkey to lead a blind person through the minefield.”

Me: “Okay, but when that door is open, you know there’s no closing it again.”

Morty: “I do. But let me ask you something before you swing that door open wide, what qualifies you to help anyone?”

Me: “Well, I have several degrees and training and understand the way people can get stuck in these mind traps…”

Morty: ” Oh REALLY? So all that book learning and training, while impressive, helps you deal with other people’s locked doors, but not your own. Interesting!”

Me: “I can’t face mine while I’m trying to help someone else.”

Morty: “You can’t help anyone until you face what you are hiding from.”

Me: “Like what? What is so pressing that I have to face it right now?”

Morty (imitating every voice who has said this to me): “You just aren’t good enough.”

Immediately, my mind recalled the baseball coach who made me play “bench warmer” for three seasons because, no matter how hard I tried and practiced, I just wasn’t good enough.  I remembered the teachers who told me math was not ever going to be something I would be “good enough” to grasp.  I remembered my own parents reminding me that I was the “Number 2 son” and all the times I never was “good enough” to equal my brother’s achievements.  I remembered all the times I had tried as hard as I could, offered all that I had, and was still labeled as “not good enough.”

The door had been opened, and I sat in my car in the far corner of the parking lot, and took punch after brutal punch again for all those times of not being “good enough.” 

Finally, Morty said: “Okay, maybe you weren’t good enough then, but now you understand what it is like to feel not good enough, and you can help.”

Me: “HOW? I feel lower than the bottom of an outhouse pit.”

Morty: “Now that you know how it feels. Why were YOU called by Jill to help?”

Me: “Because I have spoken with her several times, we have developed a rapport, we have mutual respect…”

Morty: “Nope. Here me loud and clear…Jill contacted you because she knows you are good enough to understand and good enough to offer her perspective that can help.”

Me: “Wow, you are pretty insightful to be imaginary.”

Morty: “Yeah, someone has to be, you’d be nuts without me.”

The point that I got from this entire exchange, that was heard by NO ONE, is that we are each here for a reason and a purpose. For that reason and purpose, we ARE good enough! Might take us a long time to reach that point and know why we are here, but at that point, we will be more than merely “good enough.”

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: