Koffee Klatch

Mental Musings

Dare I Say It?

I'm OFFENDED!“That’s Offensive!”

“I’m Offended!”

Why are we wasting so much time and energy looking for reasons to be offended?  Why are we burning up so much of our limited time on this orb being offended (with the marching and the shouting and the rioting and the burning and the general mayhem with accompanying chaos)?

  • People get offended because of a flag.
  • People get offended by the people who are offended by a flag.
  • People are offended by something their ancestors endured.
  • People are offended by those who are offended by something their ancestors endured.
  • People are offended because they are expected to follow the law.
  • People are offended because those enforcing the law didn’t bring them warm milk and cookies and coddle them.
  • People get offended because someone said a word.
  • People get offended because they think they have every right to be offensive.

We waste SO MUCH of our lives either offending or being offended and being angry about it!  Can ANYONE change history? NOPE!   Can anyone change their skin pigmentation? Possibly, but at great financial expense.  Can anyone un-say anything they have said?  Nope!  Can anyone undo what has been done? Nope.

People yell, shout, scream, and demand “justice” when they really want revenge!  People yell, scream, shout, and demand “equality” and “unity” yet they are not willing to stop being divisive.

Let’s be honest: the life is NOT fair!  Never has been and never will be. We are divided because we CHOOSE to be divisive!  If we want to be a united culture then we have got to stop being divisive and start being courteous and respectful toward each other.  We have got to learn to let go of the things we cannot change.

We can only move forward from THIS point in time!  We cannot move forward if we continue to focus on what’s behind us.  Learn from history, learn that cooperation DOES work, and learn to move forward in cooperation!

Think about this:  If you take 10 people and give each of them $1M.  Within three generations, at least half of them will be broke (or in debt). And about 1% will be the wealthiest among the group (by fair means or foul).  Why? Because we focus more on the MONEY instead of the PEOPLE!

But that’s just my two cents worth.

And, by the way, I am offended that the symbol for cents is not found on my computer keyboard while the $ symbol is very clearly placed.

Categories: Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Fall Asleep At The Barbershop

Surprise!

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“Special Orders Don’t Upset Us”…Oh But They DO!

Fast FoodI remember those lyrics from my youth, and would sing along with the commercial, thinking what a wonderful utopia this must be that doesn’t get upset when I place my order of a burger without condiments.  You see, I am one of THOSE people who like to actually taste my burger instead of gobs of goo and gunk passed off as condiments touching my supposed meat. But I digress.

My job is one where I must, on some occasions, grab a meal on the go. Today was one such day, so I pulled into the wonderful advance in fast food technology otherwise known as….the drive-thru.  You pull up to this little speaker, speak clearly into the speaker, pull around, pay, receive your order, and off you go to toddle on with your day.  That is how it is SUPPOSED to work. That is the concept.

Today……my utopian dream was shattered, ground into dust, and blown in my face with a lawnmower!  There were only two cars ahead of me in line. I was stoked to be so close. I rolled down my window so I might better render thoughts of encouragement to those passing before me.  And then…the speaker said, “May I take your order?” and what followed was a long pause before an elderly gentleman leaned out of the window to shout back… “WAT? YOO SAY SOMETHING?” and the voice from the passenger side…”WHAT DID THEY SAY?”

This exchange went on for several minutes before an employee stepped out of the back door and acted as the interpreter between patron and mechanical speaker.  Lots of loud questions, shouting to each other, and finally the conclusion of this part of the transaction.  Please pull ahead to pay for your meal, accept your food, and have a nice day (somewhere else please).

The line moved ahead, the employee went back inside, and I was only one car away from the speaker! The work van ahead of me slowly pulled to the speaker, as noxious clouds of toxins freely billowed from the place that once contained an exhaust pipe.  The driver leaned out, and proudly stated that he had six orders, each to be rung up separately, and each to be paid separately.

I considered parking and going inside, but when I looked in my mirror, 7 cars had already lined up behind. I had no escape. So I rolled up my window, turned off my ventilation, and honestly fumed. After another 17 minutes, all of the work vans orders had been registered, and they pulled forward.

MY TURN!!!  I was elated!  Finally, I could get a bite to eat and only be 10 minutes late to the session I was to conduct.  I rolled up, placed my single order, heard the weary voice give me the price and to please pull forward.  I enthusiastically told the speaker box “THANK YOU” and drove around the corner of the building to see the van waiting for the elderly man (who had gotten out of his car) counting out EXACT CHANGE for his order

Serenity Now

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Not Sure What It Means But….

  • shrug-4

 

  • I have reached the age where my joints sound like someone stepping on bubble wrap when I get up in the morning and stretch.
  • Naps are, once again, an essential part of my day.
  • The noises my Grandpa used to make are now coming from my own mouth.
  • I accept that I am sexy despite what people say to the contrary.
  • Thanksgiving now requires that I wear elastic to enjoy the holiday to its fullest.
  • Friends are more than merely names on a Facebook page. I would LOVE to meet more friends face to face. Words only go so far.
  • The days that are the toughest are the days where experience pays off! Patience learned from a lifetime of mistakes actually does have benefits.
  • I have still never used the geometry I was forced to learn in High School.
  • I still have a “thing” for the girl from my most embarrassing moment. Probably always will.
  • Time is not measured in breaths taken rather than rushed through.
  • Have never figured out how to win at poker. Okay, played Strip Poker a few times and lost on purpose. 😉
  • Broccoli and Asparagus are still, and forever will be, PURE EVIL!
  • My imagination is still extremely active and highly creative. Just sayin’.
  • Find a place where you can relax, and visit often.
  • Spend time laughing and being silly every day!
  • Cry when your heart hurts.
  • Share love with someone every day!
  • Oh, and if you’ve read this far…….Thank You!
Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

I’ve Reached The Point

You are hereFor some reason, I found myself in a contemplative mood this afternoon.  The thoughts dinking about my mind were becoming annoying, rather like a dripping spigot with the drops striking a metal basin. 

Reaching the milestone age of One Day After Yesterday is quite the achievement. And to celebrate, I decided to take an inventory, of sorts, of my life thus far.

I am, quite literally, twice the man I was at 16.  More solidly built, sacrificing speed, yet still sturdy.  The hair is a completely different story, being that it vacates the premises with alarming regularity and speed.  But I must admit, grass does have difficulty taking root on an active playground.

My memory is becoming somewhat “iffy” due to my inability to remember due to…..let’s go with “all the wisdom that has taken up residence in my mind.” It sounds better than “I just forgot what I was writing.”

I have reached the point in life where I dread going to the doctor, not so much for the news that I need to exercise more and stop enjoying bacon, but because it is increasingly difficult for me to take seriously this advice having come from a lengthy heritage of bacon enjoyers.

A few things I have learned in my sojourn here….

  • Asparagus will eternally be evil.
  • Nap Time should not be limited to children.
  • Chocolate does cure a multitude of moods.
  • Coffee is a necessity, moreso than pants.
  • It is ALWAYS good form to be polite.
  • What you don’t know might actually kill you, but you won’t know it.
  • We try far too much to achieve far too much without considering the things we must sacrifice.
  • No, you cannot have it all.
  • There is a difference between a “mistake” and an “error.”  A mistake can be fixed with an eraser. An error needs an apology (sincere and immediate).
  • If you strive for perfection, you will live your life in great disappointment.
  • Flowers smell nice for a reason. Slow down and smell them once in a while.
  • True friends are rare gifts. If you want one, BE one.
  • Dance with all your heart.
  • Never forget what it feels like to laugh!
  • Love is a treasured mode of travel, not a momentary destination.
  • You are only allowed one breath at a time. So make every breath count.
  • Every day is building your legacy, make sure it is a legacy worth remembering.

Tomorrow is another milestone on this journey.

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

“You really can’t get there from here.”

backroad

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes my job takes me to some places that are not easily accessed. People seem to enjoy living in places that are difficult to find and reach, but I won’t digress into specifics.  Living in the Southern part of the United States can be challenging at times.  For example, when I must travel to some of the places “out past the tree line” (that GPS cannot even find), I find it necessary to stop for directions.

 On more than one occasion I am told, after some careful contemplation on the part of the person I asked, “Y’know…you really can’t get there from here.”  And thus begins a very descriptive and lengthy list of instructions which can include such colorful landmarks as “when you see Miz Clawson’s Brahma Bull in the north pasture, you’ll want to turn right next to the well about half a stick throw from the fence post.” 

You might think such is an exaggeration from an Andy Griffith rerun, but it isn’t. These folk are very sincere in their direction giving.  This is how they have come to know their home town.  Even had my GPS referred to once as “that devil box” because it pinpointed his home and the voice gave me directions on how to get there.

 The longer I get to travel to these wonderfully unique places, the more I can understand why people choose to live in such locales.  Once you get past the frustration of “you can’t get there from here” and take time to look around, they drive really is quite wonderful and relaxing.  Some of the most beautiful and seldom disturbed natural areas, you’d think were parks, but they are just spots along the road that local folks like to get out and have a look around.

As GPS becomes more accurate, these areas will become less difficult to find and my fear is the honest openness of the local folk will forever be lost.

 

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Inspired by…..Kool Aid!

 

kool-aid

Inspiration comes to us in so many ways.  Isn’t it odd how we are all basically the same, that of being humans for the most part, yet we are inspired by different things.

I find inspiration in the beauty of objects while another can look at the same objects and see only the utility of them.  One might see beauty and inspiration in numbers, while I find them to be a good cure for insomnia.  One of my friends is completely enthralled by the beauty that he finds in science, whilst all I get out of it is an annoying buzzing sound behind my eyes.

 I thoroughly enjoy the vibrancy of colors, being that I enjoy tie dye like a true hippie (except I do believe in bathing and shaving regularly).  But I have never heard of a vibrant shade of bright brown. Why is that? Who is responsible for the color scheme?

 Inspire and you will have given a gift of immeasurable worth.  While I do not advocate cavorting about in yellow pajamas out of doors, nor having a frolick in lime green spandex (gratuitous Green Lantern reference). I dare say, find what inspires you and share it with others.

 Speaking of spandex, why does that seem to be the material of choice for almost every super hero? Just a wandering thought that popped in during the contemplatory process.

 Inspiration…what is it that inspires you?  If you aren’t sure, perhaps this might be an opportunity to go with me to the grocer.  I always enjoy a wander through the grocer.

Thoreau

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You Rang?

Imagine my annoyance when I get a call on my work cellphone from……a telemarketer!  I will admit that I am FAR from a fan of the over advertising which has become so common place.  Advertising has become so over the top that people are actually selling space on their bodies for companies to advertise their products or services. 

Having done some thinking, brainstorming (there was lightning AND thunder), and creative pondering, some ways have been suggested to vent and express displeasure at being bombarded with such annoyances since the “opt-out” and “do not call” are ineffective options:

  • when the envelope arrives stuffed full of cards requesting a mailing address so they can send me information (and sell my address to other marketing firms), place the cards in two stacks. Take the company addresses in stack one and write it on the cards of stack two…and likewise for stack two onto stack one.
  • I have downloaded a recording of a staged “amorous event” in which the actors quite “vocal” (script writing for such things must be extremely tedious). When a telemarketer calls, I simply ask them to hang on for a second while I finish something up, then play the recording at an enthusiastically appropriate volume.
  • Then there’s the idea of stuffing post paid envelopes with various other coupons, cartoons, photos of pets and hope the recipient enjoys the effort.
  • Telemarketers seem to be offended when asked for the best way to dispose of a dead and dismembered door-to-door salesperson.
  • Speaking of door-to-door salespeople, they do seem to be rather taken aback when you answer the door wearing a BBQ apron, no shirt, (shorts which are hidden behind the apron) and a smile. Then ask them, “So you’re the hooker I ordered? BRAVO! Come on in, the party is on the deck!”
  • Another variation of this is to snatch the door open, look around furtively and state loudly, “What took you so long? The sacrificial table is ready and we just can’t wait all day!”

Let me be clear, I have nothing against those who have to deal with the public as a telemarketer, envelope stuffer, or door-to-door sales.  I do have a beef with those who seem to think bombarding me with endless advertisements will somehow entice me to purchase products and services that, apparently, I am too stupid to seek out myself.

But that’s just me.You Rang

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Coffee Chats With Morty…

Coffee ChatToday is one of those days where my schedule is pretty full of sessions to conduct, but they are far enough between that I have the chance to think and ponder.  This is very important for an Introvert, because quiet time to process is almost akin to breathing. But it is during these productive thought parades that I have an internal coffee chat whilst I sit quietly with my coffee.  My internal “Keeper of the Brain Flame” is named Mortimer Farnsfoxington Irakafenfeld-Smythe.  Or for those who are familiar with such an inner companion, “Morty” will do.

Morty and I have been having talks since I can remember. Not the psychotic “break-out-the-strait-jacket” type of conversations, but just trying to see a situation from as many perspectives as possible. This method of perspective seeking has been quite handy during my current occupation as a Law Enforcement Chaplain. Let’s face it, people are quite the odd critter, and some are nuttier than a bald duck on ice.

Morty and I were having a bit of lively debate a while back, partly regarding where to have lunch, and partly about a situation I was dealing with due to one of my counselees feeling they were “not good enough.”  I could empathize with this person, because for most of my life, I have been told that I, too, was not “good enough.” Painful though those times were, and still are, the debate was on.

Me: “What do you think about Jill? How would you handle it?”

Morty: “The question might be about Jill, but the reason you question is closer to home.”

Me: “I have locked that away! Right now, I must help Jill.”

Morty: “By teaching her to lock feelings away? Doesn’t sound very helpful at all.”

Me: “Okay, smart guy, how would YOU deal with Jill!”

Morty: “By facing my own demons first. It’s not a good idea for a blind monkey to lead a blind person through the minefield.”

Me: “Okay, but when that door is open, you know there’s no closing it again.”

Morty: “I do. But let me ask you something before you swing that door open wide, what qualifies you to help anyone?”

Me: “Well, I have several degrees and training and understand the way people can get stuck in these mind traps…”

Morty: ” Oh REALLY? So all that book learning and training, while impressive, helps you deal with other people’s locked doors, but not your own. Interesting!”

Me: “I can’t face mine while I’m trying to help someone else.”

Morty: “You can’t help anyone until you face what you are hiding from.”

Me: “Like what? What is so pressing that I have to face it right now?”

Morty (imitating every voice who has said this to me): “You just aren’t good enough.”

Immediately, my mind recalled the baseball coach who made me play “bench warmer” for three seasons because, no matter how hard I tried and practiced, I just wasn’t good enough.  I remembered the teachers who told me math was not ever going to be something I would be “good enough” to grasp.  I remembered my own parents reminding me that I was the “Number 2 son” and all the times I never was “good enough” to equal my brother’s achievements.  I remembered all the times I had tried as hard as I could, offered all that I had, and was still labeled as “not good enough.”

The door had been opened, and I sat in my car in the far corner of the parking lot, and took punch after brutal punch again for all those times of not being “good enough.” 

Finally, Morty said: “Okay, maybe you weren’t good enough then, but now you understand what it is like to feel not good enough, and you can help.”

Me: “HOW? I feel lower than the bottom of an outhouse pit.”

Morty: “Now that you know how it feels. Why were YOU called by Jill to help?”

Me: “Because I have spoken with her several times, we have developed a rapport, we have mutual respect…”

Morty: “Nope. Here me loud and clear…Jill contacted you because she knows you are good enough to understand and good enough to offer her perspective that can help.”

Me: “Wow, you are pretty insightful to be imaginary.”

Morty: “Yeah, someone has to be, you’d be nuts without me.”

The point that I got from this entire exchange, that was heard by NO ONE, is that we are each here for a reason and a purpose. For that reason and purpose, we ARE good enough! Might take us a long time to reach that point and know why we are here, but at that point, we will be more than merely “good enough.”

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I Was Turned Into A Newt…But I Got Better

Good afternoon.  I realize it’s been a while since last I let loose the gerbils of my mind for some fresh air, so whilst they are having a romp about, you are stuck with me.

 Gerbils on a Bender

When you stop laughing and start breathing, we can continue…..

 

Here’s a gasper for you, a realization that slapped me awake faster than my morning coffee: I’m not perfect!  Give that a moment to sink in and the screaming of disbelief to subside.

 

It’s true though. I am in no way perfect, or invincible, or “good enough” by any standard.  But guess what? I don’t care!  I’m not here to impress anyone, smug though that may sound, it is, nonetheless, the truth.  I am rather an introvert, not given much in the way of “chatting” or small talk. As a matter of fact, I am a contemplative by nature, preferring to ponder and consider and observe.  That moment when you pick your underwear out of your butt and thought no one saw, you were seen by a contemplative.  I’m the person in the car next to you cringing while you attempt to sing the high part on Bohemian Rhapsody (and let you get well ahead of me in traffic so I no longer have to hear it).

 

But for most of my life, I dealt with Atelophobia.  I believe most of us have to some degree, and many still face it every day.  Atelophobia, for those who haven’t looked it up by now, is the fear of being “imperfect or not good enough.”  In a world that demands perfection, it’s difficult not to have this phobia. Thank goodness for airbrushing photos, photoshop, masks, and darkness (those who have photos of me are thankful for these).

 

But here’s the part I like best: I no longer care.  I have FINALLY reached the point in life where I no longer give a rat’s dinkle if I “measure up” or have reached “this tall so I can ride this ride.” Why? Because it is much easier to be who I am than pretend to be what someone else expects of me. 

 

I sing badly, so I sing where no one can hear me (i.e. in the shower where the acoustics are fabulous).  I dance like a one legged frog on a hot pavement, so what? If that bothers you, don’t watch me.  I’m not a good conversationalist until we get to know each other, so feel free to inquire and let’s get to know each other.

 I Am SEXY

When you look in the mirror, do you see someone trying to be what others expect you to be or do you see the wonderful gift that is YOU? So….Am I “good enough”? No! I am so much more than merely “good enough,” I am ME and I enjoy it!

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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