Posts Tagged With: annoying

I’m Just Weird That Way

Bacony Bacon

I have tried.  I have tried many times, and have failed miserably each time.  I like to eat. I’m just weird that way.  I like to eat and I’m not ashamed to say it.

The issue I have with so called “nutrition plans” is that I am a simple guy.  The plans I have seen require that you calculate more equations than a physicist trying to define string theory!

  • How many carbs did you have?
  • Were they good carbs or bad carbs?
  • How many good carbs versus bad carbs?
  • Did you exercise today?
  • How many steps did you take?
  • How fast were you stepping?
  • How much protein is in that salad?
  • Did you have cheese on that salad?
  • Thank you for posting the picture of the salad.  Is that BACON I see on your salad?
  • Did you eat it?
  • Did you eat ALL of it?
  • Did it make you feel dirty?
  • How dirty?
  • What were you wearing?

You see how these things can degrade into something other than helpful.

As I said, I am a simple guy, and I like simple food.  I eat salad.  No onions, peppers, or dressing.  I like cheeseburgers without condiments or vegetables added.  The only condiment I use with any regularity is black pepper.  I like rice, most beans, lentils, barley, beef, most pork, chicken, and some fish.  I am from the Southern United States and, yes, buttery grits, eggs and bacon with biscuits are staples.  I don’t mind oatmeal though.

The difficulty I have with changing my eating habits is everyone has a different plan and they are all “easy” (like hemorrhoids) and want me to STOP eating most of the things I like and START eating things I wouldn’t feed a pig.  Let me be very blunt: If I don’t like it, I will NOT be putting it in my mouth! End of story.

Why can’t someone come up with an eating plan that actually takes inventory of what I like to eat, and make a plan from that list?  Is that REALLY so hard?

Cookie-cutter eating plans do NOT work for me and the Energizer Bunny types who push their plans or “Eating Systems” annoy me enough to want to see them fall into a hole liked with barbed wire!

Keep it simple or shut up!

 

 

Rant over for now.

Advertisements
Categories: Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m NOT Dead? Well, Then…What Now?

not deadEach morning, I hear the birds chirping as they begin their busy day of bug hunting, nest building, and flitting from hither to yon.

Each morning, I smell the air through the open window.

Each morning, I taste the exquisite flavor of the juicing of that naughty bean we call “coffee.”

And each morning is a reminder that I am not yet dead!  My life is not yet over.  I still have opportunities and choices.  There are still people to annoy; books to read; stories to write; songs to sing badly;food to enjoy; beer to savor; family to…well y’know how family is.

Each morning is a reminder that we are ALIVE and we should not sit about wondering what to do (as if we’re surprised we’re not dead), we should be about the business of reminding ourselves and the rest of the world’s patrons that WE ARE ALIVE DAMMIT! 

Not get the hell away from my coffee!!!

Categories: Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fitness Fanatics, Servers, and Annoying Salespeople…A Rant!

Workout Creature

I get the fact that some people wish to work out and work out and work out and work out.  I get that all their working out apparently triggers a “piss everyone else off” synapse because they suddenly become like the Energizer Bunny with a volume and intensity that can be felt moment they step into the same building.  They puff and posture as they talk about their latest workout/fitness routine as they drink gallons of some concoction from their “shaker bottles.”  And THEN they start in on everyone else with such comments like: “You depressed? Don’t wuss out and talk about it, SWEAT IT OUT!” or “Why are you eating all that crap?” or “Crossfit/Basic/Powerlifting/etc. changed me into AWESOME!”

I get that they are proud of their accomplishment, yet I am curious as to whether they realize how much it will take to maintain their “AWESOME” for the rest of their lives.  I give as example my High School reunion of a number of years which we won’t discuss.  The beefy jocks had become more paunch than muscle…their beefcake had deteriorated into jerky…yet the jerk attitude remained.

And then I have people who constantly tout the latest multi-level marketing health and fitness company which has “the best products out today.”  More powders to mix in your shaker, more vitamins and supplements to ingest at specific times and an entire menu of raw foods which are to be eaten every two hours.  And all at a nice little price tag that is more than I earn in two-months. I admit that I was suckered into a few of these programs because the people who were selling it were friends and they were pretty and they said the right cheerleader type peptalk peppered with zen like wisdom, and I am basically just a big sucker for a pretty face.  But when I commented about how expensive this program was getting (to the point I was having to choose between putting fuel in my car to get to work to earn the money to buy their crap or live in a van down by the river so I can spend my unemployment check buying a small bit of their crap), and I was suddenly considered to be a “loser” and an “inconsequential.”

Then I happen to have to deal with the salespeople who, I realize, work on commission and are so very eager to make a sale quick so they can move on to the next sale.  I actually had one overly excited young man start trying to finish my sentences for me when I was trying to tell him what I was looking for.  I could tell he was getting irritated with my questions when he began scanning the people walking through behind me and his eyes teared up.  Let me be extremely clear here: There is a reason I came to your establishment, and if you want me to spend MY money in your establishment, then give me the courtesy of your attention and make the experience such that I will not only want to come back, but I will want to recommend to others.

pushy salesperson

Finally, I would like to discuss bartenders and servers.  Yes, I know you work for LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE, so I don’t need to be told that every time I come in.  Yes, I know gratuities are your bread and butter.  Yes, I realize that I am not a hot hunk of eye candy.  But YOU need to understand that when I come to your establishment (especially if you know I am a regular whether I am your regular or not) I will be spending my money.  I CHOSE to come to your establishment to spend my money.  And when I have chosen to spend my money at your establishment, I have factored in a HUGE gratuity often in the 75-90%.  But you see, the gratuity YOU will receive depends entirely on YOU!

wild-wing-cafeThere was an restaurant I had been frequenting for the last 10 years.  I was friends with many of the staff and the staff made it clear that they WANTED me to sit in their section.  They would smile, some would even hug me, they remembered my name, and even seemed to be glad I had come in.  Slowly, over time, as life is wont to do, these staff members went on to further their educations or had taken another job or simply found something else to do with their lives.  So, the staff who was left, knowing that I had been a good regular customer because they had witnessed it, ignored me when I came in.  The last time I went in to get a beer, not only did the bartender no even acknowledge my presence, but none of the staff even smiled at me.  They were ALL huddled in the corner of the bar area, with the “pretty people” (who leave no gratuity) laughing about something that had been posted on Facebook.  After 30 minutes of this (and I was one of only four people sitting at the bar), I left.  I am a advocate of: “If you want good customer service, BE a good customer.”  But I am also an advocate of: “If you want a good gratuity, BE a good server.”

Okay, rant over and I am off to find a new place to spend my money!

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Return My Mind To Its Original Upright Position

image

Last night I was perched in my spot, you recall that I have a particular spot at my favorite watering hole where I sit, enjoying a quiet sit and soaking in the words of a book when my peace was shattered by……a chatterer!  Please don’t misunderstand, I have nothing against conversation in and of itself, but I find small talk, chit chat, and chattering for the sake of making noise, to be extremely disconcerting and quite annoying. When this person sat down next to me, I did look over and nod acknowledgement of his existence and place in proximity to my personal space. And, upon said acknowledgement, returned my attention to my interesting tome.

This was, evidently, the incorrect move on life’s chessboard, because “Tim” (as I learned his name to be), thought I looked lonely and he had a story to share rather insistently (story, I quickly discovered, was actually a wandering through bits of his recollection where time, space, and coherency are irrelevant). I admit to the occasional chuckle with some “hmm”-ing, a smattering of “you don’t say”, and many “uh-huh”.

I seriously considered completely ignoring Tim because, first, I am an introvert and interacting with people I don’t know or particularly like, is exhausting; and, second, I was attempting to relax having spent my work day, as per usual, talking with and listening to others. Thus, as the opportunity presents itself, I find a place where I can invoke my Fortress of Solitude in order to maintain my sanity.

Since Tim kept jabbing me with his elbow during his wide ranging tale, I had reached the point where I was less than a breath from acting on the mental images I had envisioned over the past hour of his story (the visions of me beating Tim senseless while the Gilligan’s Island theme played in the background), when I was rescued by a friend (a large hulking mass of humanity) who sauntered up, blocking out the sun, and poked Tim with a finger about the size of my leg, and said “Buddy, scoot down one.”

Okay, I admit it….the expression on Tim’s face was priceless. He left fairly quickly for some reason or another, as my friend and I sat for the next two hours in silence as we read our books.

Categories: Fortress of Solitude | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: