Posts Tagged With: awkward

So What If I Act Like A Hermit Crab?

hermit crabI like quiet!

I like not talking!

I like thinking!

I like observing!

I like reading!

I like working alone!

I like my alone time!

NO, I am NOT a leper!  NO, this is not “just a phase.” NO, I am not anti-social!  NO, I am not unhappy!  NO, crowds will NOT bring me “out of that shell”, matter of fact, crowds make me withdraw deeper into my shell.  NO, I am not avoiding you….well, perhaps I am but only if you are being loud and pushy.

Hear me very carefully…I’m an INTROVERT!  That just means I process internally (and quietly).  I have no need or desire to be gregarious.  I cringe at the thought of being expected to be the center of attention or life of the party.  In fact, MY idea of a great party is a gathering of my few closest friends (and I do NOT make friends easily), in a quiet setting.  I don’t require a horde of loud whooping Barbarians trying to yawp louder than the rest.  The friends I have are friends for life. For you see, I take friendship quite seriously.

In my youth, I was that one person everyone liked to have around because I would listen.  However, having been branded as that “Sweet Guy” or, worse, “That Nice Guy” pretty much doomed any role for me other than that of listener.  I admit that I was bitter and angry about having been shoved into that role, but time has passed and those who shoved me into that role still tend to seek me out to listen.  But the people who thought me to be that “Nice Guy” failed to understand (or take the time to inquire) that I am an Introvert and, though I am quiet and withdrawn, I have feelings.

I have come to accept my Introversion and have found my niche.  I am an observer of human interactions. Not in that Ice Cream Truck Pervy kind of way, rather I sit on the fringe of the group or party and observe how humans interact with each other.  Not much escapes my notice and I have found that humans have the same habits and interactions as Simians.

At a party for example, there is immediately a “sizing up” of the new arrivals.  The males of the group begin their puffing up and posturing, which is followed up by the exaggerated sports talk at a loud volume, which includes lots of alcohol consumption complete with belching, scratching, and the none-too-subtle “checking out” of the female attendees (And, of course, every female who is deemed desirable or attractive “wants me).  The loud sports talk includes such physical displays as pantomiming a particular sports play considered to have been outstanding. At some point the sports talk will drift into the “who’s got the coolest job” puffery.

The female attendees are not much better in their activities.  They immediately “size up” the new arrivals to judge them on their couture, make-up, hair, jewelry, and general physical appearance.  Yes, even the females judge each other by the size and perkiness of the bosoms, with such statements as: “Those CAN’T be real!” or “Someone’s bought a new set” or “That poor dear couldn’t nourish a mosquito, much less attract a REAL man.”  And, yes, though the females may hide (or think they are hiding) they scratch, pick, and adjust just like the males.

While I realize that these observations reveal stereotypes, the human works very hard trying to make other humans think they are not human.  I chuckle quietly to myself knowing that some other Introvert is most likely observing me.

But think of Introversion this way: “It is the rain that nourishes the grass, not the thunder!”  – Rumi

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Did I Stumble Into The Ministry of Silly Walks?

Wax On Wax OffOdd thing happened yesterday…I was to meet a friend at a local Wild Wing eatery, which happened to be located in a strip mall.  Wild Wing being on the corner, with a Travel Agency to the left of it and a Waxing City to the left of the Travel Agency.  I surmised that the placement of the hair removal salon next to the travel agency was fortuitous being that one does want to have a smooth companion when one frolicks about the vacation locale.

On this particular day, I arrived a few minutes early (having parked at the curb near the Travel Agency) and was checking the messages on my phone whilst I awaited the arrival of my lunch appointment.  Whilst investigating the messages, I noticed a rather attractive and tanned young lady walk briskly into Wax City.  Thinking nothing more about it except that the movement had caught my eye.

My appointment arrived and lunch was delicious.  We talked, laughed and cut up. We shared tales and stories.  When it came time to leave, I walked back to my car and checked to see if anyone had called (on appointments my phone stays in the car), when I noticed the same young lady coming out of Wax City that I had seen entering this grooming salon.  However, this time the bold and purposeful stride was gone. You see, now this young lady moved as if she were walking slowly down the dusty old Main Street of Tombstone ready for a gunfight.  Her gunslinger’s bowlegged gait left little to my imagination as to her purpose for visiting Wax City.

Please don’t get me wrong, I do greatly enjoy the softness and smoothness.

smooth and silkyAND am very much appreciative of all it takes for a woman to achieve said softness and smoothness.  But I could not suppress and chuckle at the change in her stride.

Categories: Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m Confused……Sort Of…….Perhaps……Yeah, Definitely!

Are You SeriousMy mind generally likes to run rampant among the quiet villagers, keeping them awake at night, and causing slight mayhem when possible.  My mind especially enjoys a good loud romp through the minefields when it’s time for me to sleep and I have an early meeting in the morning.

*  Think about this for a moment:  We used to write on tablets of stone; we graduated to papyrus, parchment, then books.  Now, we are back to tablets.

*  For some reason, my mind ventured off to a jaunt back to my college days.  I remember one of the girlfriends I had.  We were, shall we say, enthusiastically adventurous when it came to amorous activities.  During the afterglow snuggle, if I had to release the bladder, I would get up, take care of the matter, and come back to bed all the while wearing nothing but a smile.  However, when she had to take the same journey, suddenly the sheets were whooshed off the bed, wrapped around her like a mummy and off she would go, and then she would come back to bed STILL wearing the tightly wrapped sheet and slide into bed so I wouldn’t see her nakedness that I had so vigorously enjoyed earlier.  I could tell you about every mole and freckle; about every spot that got a great reaction to the “don’t touch” spots, but she’s now fearful of my seeing her naked?

*  And speaking of women (who confuse me more and more), why is it that women dress to flaunt their physical attributes but take offense when they are noticed?  Are they flaunting only for a select few and everyone else is supposed to somehow realize this and avert their attentions elsewhere?  If you are bold enough to put it out to be seen, I am bold enough to look! If you don’t want it noticed then don’t put it on display!

*  Have you ever noticed that people tend to push their grocery carts the same way they drive their cars?

*  I remember, as a child, going to the grocery store with my Mom who got herself all cleaned up like she was going to church.  Now, you walk into Walmart…….

*  When cellphones first became popular, they were HUGE! There was the over the shoulder bag phone that weighed a ton, and there was the brick sized phone.  Gradually they became smaller and smaller until they became the size of a credit card.  And then just this morning I saw a kid pull out a cellphone that was the as big as my shoe!

*  When I was growing up, weddings and funerals were respectful events where you wore your best suit or dress and men made sure they took their hats off when they entered the building.  At the most recent wedding I attended, people were dressed as if they had just taken time to come from the beach to see the ceremony and then they were going back to the beach.  Even had some who showed up in what appeared to be band-aids and string which was a HUGE distraction for the groom…not to mention the minister.  And the last funeral I attended had people show up in raggedy shorts, tank tops on the girls barely covering a freckle much less any skin, and flip flops.  Sunglasses and hats remained ensconced during the entire inside event, never once were they removed.

I am confused and bewildered by our behaviors as humans or are we reverting back to animals?

Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Are We Truly Becoming More Stupid?


What is happening to us?  In the 60s and 70s, when I was a kid, we watched Bugs Bunny cartoons yet never felt the need to drop an anvil on someone’s head or shoot them in the face with a shotgun. People knew that steam rising from the coffee meant it was going to be HOT! We knew knives were sharp, guns were not something you looked down the barrel of, and we also expected to get a butt whoopin’ if we broke the rules.

In school, we respected our teachers because we knew they would spank us if we misbehaved and then tell our parents.  My parents were of the mind that if the teacher had to spank us, my Mom (who was a stay at home Mom for my formative years) would spank us again when she had to come get us, and THEN when Dad got home he would “get our attention” and lecture us afterwards.  Honestly, I would rather have had my butt beaten rather than have to endure the lecture.  Good grades were rewarded, bad grades incurred study time instead of television time.

We were taught to respect police, fire fighters, clergy, teachers… in fact, twice a week we would put a snack in our mailbox for the carrier.  We ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat.  Never did we treat our parents as though we were the ones in charge and they were our servants.

We didn’t have to be told not to drink drain cleaner or antifreeze.  We were taught that stealing, for whatever reason, was wrong.  We were taught that melodramatic extremes were not the way to discuss a situation.  We were taught lying was wrong and got our mouths washed out with soap for lying. We didn’t dare mouth off to our parents or any other adult for that matter.

What has happened to our society?  Have we lost all common sense or do we choose to ignore it in favor of believing that “someone else” is culpable?

Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Let The Adventure Begin!

dangerous business stepping out

As you may or may not be aware, I have been existing in absentia from my pages for quite some time.  Call it a “Reflective Vacation”; Call it “Extended Contemplation”; Call it “lazy”….they are all, in some way, correct.  Having wearied of this self imposed exile, ’tis time to, once more, take up the virtual pen and release the mental horde upon this community.

Life is, in and of itself, a rather dull existence.  We sleep, wake, eat, work, eat, home, eat, only to start the routine all over again.  *sigh* How boring is that?  Why even bother?  Just the same old thing every day, day after day……after day……..after day……until we realize that we are dead and have the courtesy to lie down.

Where’s the adventure?  Didn’t the brochure at birth promise us limitless adventure?  Mine also advertised fun filled relaxing holidays in an all inclusive package where I get to sit on the beach all day (baking in the sun, getting all sweaty and sand covered) whilst people whom I have never met bring me drinks of varying colors, textures, and alcohol contents.

Here’s the fact of the matter: If you want an adventure in life, then get off the couch and out of the chair!  Remove yourself from your comfort zone and step outside.  Adventure awaits the Adventurous!

Want an adventure? Go to Walmart at 3:00am wearing a rubber chicken costume.  Or go to the zoo dressed as Tarzan.  Or swim in the ocean with raw meat strapped to you.  How about starting a conversation with someone you don’t know?  Perhaps as you walk through your day make it a point to smile and speak to everyone you meet?  Better yet, do a random act of niceness and do it anonymously with no possible way for anyone to know you are the perpetrator.

Adventures don’t have to include spiders, snakes, and assassins!  Adventures are what you find to be adventurous!

Categories: Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dun Dun Duhhhhhhhh!!!!

Your phone rings. You look at the caller ID and you suddenly feel the cold splinter inserted into your heart.  It’s Susan. She likes to chatter like a monkey with engorged hindquarters (and resembles that in so many ways).  Your neighbors warned you that she would be calling with an invitation to the annual neighborhood block party, she happens to be hosting.


Your mind races through your catalogue of excuses not to go. Then your other catalogue of reasons not to answer the phone; as beads of sweat pour from your every pore, soaking your clothing as though you just ran through the carwash sans the car.  You’re instinct overrides on the third ring and your thumb touches the green key on your phone. Before you can get the phone to your ear to say “Hello,” Susan has already launched into her chatter-fest seemingly running in a loop through every phone call she makes.


“So I was talking to Lisa and Jim and you know how they just LOVE parties and I told them that I was hosting this year’s block party and they were just ALL into helping me but you know how I LOVE doing these things myself I mean if you want something done right now what I mean anywho I just called to invite you to come to the party we’re going to have SUCH a blast with all the games and fun it’ll be THE social event of the season look forward to see you there gotta run bye” *click*


By now you’re nerves have frayed to the point of crawling through your skin and off to Texas all on their own.  You practice deep breathing to try to calm your racing mind and restart your heart.


Finally, the day comes and you have just had an epiphany: small talk can be fun if used properly and it might just deter further invites from Susan and her ilk. You arrive at the party with your usual crockpot of chili and you are greeted by a disapproving “Susan Clone Committee” who seem to be in a dither that everyone brought chili instead of the smorgasbord of delicacies they had meticulously been assigned.  Hey, they should be happy you brought extra cornbread for your chili!


Then the fun begins with Susan grabbing your arm and dragging you into her group of intimates.  She begins cooing about each person’s attributes, sounding more like a used tire salesperson working on commission. When she FINALLY takes a breathe for you to give each of her group the “once over” you make your move! You turn to Susan and in a loud, but conversational voice, say something to the effect of: “WOW! That zit you had earlier this week has come along nicely. You can barely see it with all that make up!” Followed by your pointing it out and looking closely at the spot (real or imagined).


The sad thing about “small talk” is that the same inevitable questions are asked:

  1. Where do you work?
  2. What do you do there?
  3. What did you think of the game?


Then the evaluation begins of:

  • your clothing
  • your shoes
  • your job
  • your job title
  • your salary
  • your cellphone
  • your cologne, aftershave, and/or deodorant
  • your hair
  • the amount of product in your hair
  • where you will fit into the “desirability” list with the female guests.
  • your car
  • where would your car finish if you raced the other guys.


Now….when you hang out with YOUR chosen friends, there’s a mutually agreed upon activity (usually eventually involving a couch), an unspoken (but quite regulated) menu of assorted foods that will raise your cholesterol, and the all accompanied by various sounds, cheers, various exotic forms of greeting (knuckle bumps, noogies, butt smacks, belly bumps, or the extensive menagerie of handshakes), and lots of quiet.  Not the awkward quiet, but the quiet that comes from having an unspoken conversation between friends.


Did I mention I am socially awkward when it comes to small talk? 


Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Well Now….THAT Was Awkward!

I’ll admit it, I am distance challenged and always have been.  In some instances, it has been a good thing because people learn not to ask you for directions or how far do you need to drill into this wall before the electric renders you unable to much more than thrash about.  It can be a conundrum at times, judging distance.  I do wear glasses when I want to read (I mean ACTUALLY read something).  But even so, judging distances has never been a strong suite in my menagerie of awesomenity.

While working on a project, that required my FULL attention, I was focused like a laser beam on the project to hand, when I heard a buzzing sound close by.  It took a moment to refocus from the project and realize that one of my colleagues had stepped up behind me and was trying to relay some “very important information” to me (something about “What are you ordering for lunch?” sort of ‘important’) and, while I was attempting to refocus on her inquiry, she posed another.  This time she inquired where a particular file was located.  Without thinking (and this is the key to the bane of my existence) I turned in my chair, while my mind and eyes were still focused on the project, threw out my hand to point to the file cabinet…..

It was one of those moments that takes a second to sink in before the feeling falls upon you like the lava from Mt. Vesuvius fell upon Pompeii.  There’s really nothing you can do except either acknowledge the incident, or ignore it ever happened, but in that split second of surprise…neither seems to work.  First indication something was wrong, was my finger met some resistance when I pointed at the file cabinet across the room.  I had judged that my colleague was far enough away NOT to be in the line of trajectory.  I was, however, wrong because the second indication of a faux pas was the swift and shocked intake of breath I heard escape her lips.  The third indicator, and this was the clincher, was when I turned to see what was amiss, I found my finger had become lodged between her bosoms.

And as if this weren’t awkward enough, my boss walked by my office, did a double-take, and walked away shaking his head.  My colleague graciously took a step backwards to dislodge my finger from her and then started laughing.  I was picturing in my mind being called to HR and being thrashed one inch beyond my life expectancy, but she had been focused on lunch and said she was glad if wasn’t a french fry that had gotten placed there. 

The only thing my boss had to say was, “Real or Mammorex?”  Have no fear, the truth is safe with me.

BTW, I do NOT like ketchup on my fries!  Fries are meant to be eaten with Mustard!!

After this “poking about” I thought about a couple of other rather awkward moments:

  • Perched in the dentist’s chair getting a clean and suddenly my stomach decides to sing to the whales and porpoises, in case they’re floating about somewhere close by.
  • There was the time I stepped into an elevator and the ride down made me really need to belch… I did…..only to have the door open revealing the stunned faces of rather shocked hotel guests.
  • There was that time in High School when I was walking with a girl who I liked. We had been walking and laughing tentatively when it hit us like a Pamplona bull on a bender! One of us had stepped in dog poo!  To this day, I swear it wasn’t me, but one doesn’t put such burdens on a lady, so (sigh) that was the last time she spoke to me.  Although she and her friends did point and giggle amongst themselves for several weeks after.

Much of my life has been connecting the dots of awkward moments.  Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to say I FINALLY got it right.  Until then, I’m just a dork waiting to happen!

Categories: Koffee Klatch | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

I’m Apparently A Walking Awkward Moment

It’s amazing what bounces around the mental walls when the mind shifts into daydream mode for a moment or two.  Today has been no exception.  Whilst daydreaming, ever so briefly, I was hit with the sudden realization that someone had asked me a question, and since apparently a blank stare was not the correct answer, I had to refocus for a moment.  That moment between the question, the realization, the mental playback, and simply nodding clueless compliance can be extremely awkward.  Awkward is also when you find out that you have unwittingly agreed to wear the polka dot gorilla suit for the day because someone knew you were on mental sabbatical.

Think about the moments in life that could be deemed awkward:

  • That invisible speed bump in the pavement that made you stumble.
  • That moment when you realize that you’ve been strolling about all day with your fly down.
  • Standing in line somewhere and you wish the person behind you would realize they have a “whistler” and make use of a tissue.
  • Your cellphone rings when you’re in the convenience and out of habit you answer only to hear the echo off the stall walls and tile floor.
  • You are at the counter getting your license renewed and for some reason you see a rude word on the eye chart.
  • You hear someone belch during church and you can’t quite stifle your laughter.
  • That moment you suddenly realize that all these years of singing out loud to your favorite song, you’ve been singing the wrong lyrics (and people have heard you).

Oh the list could go on and on, which would be awkward in itself, because this list consists of a minute few of my own personal awkward moments.

“So……what’s your point?”

Glad you asked. You DID ask, right?  You have the opportunity to be a hero during certain awkward moments if you just step out of your comfort zone.  For example, while standing in line to pay for my coffee the other morning (yes, I drink a LOT of coffee), there was a customer in front of me whom I had developed a nodding-in-passing relationship with over the course of our shared love of coffee.  On this particular day, he had apparently forgotten his wallet (this is a Pour Your Own, Pay As You Leave type place) and was about to have a truly awkward moment.  I noticed his pocket patting hopeless searching and lean up to him and said quietly, “This one’s on me.”  The relief in his face was truly astonishing.

Sadly, on the way back to my car, I was viciously attacked by the curb causing the coffee to be consumed by the pavement.  Wasn’t my clumsiness, I tell you!!!   The pavement is out to get me!

Categories: Koffee Klatch | Tags: , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

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