Posts Tagged With: peace



There was a time when I had not a concern in the world….and then I was born.  It’s amazing the things I found to be stressful as a child.  Having to make new friends at school was absolutely terrifying for me, being an introvert.  Having to learn math and spelling and grammar and history and learning to deal with the cliques….it was stressful, to say the least, and led to many sleepless nights.

These anxieties continued throughout my school years, with the inclusion of having to learn geometry, trigonometry, calculus, the sciences, foreign languages, more clearly defined cliques.  Life had become quite the challenge.  Most days I didn’t want to even get out of bed, but if I didn’t get out of bed, I wouldn’t go to school and if I didn’t go to school, I would have to endure it all again next year with a whole new pool of people.

FINALLY, I managed to graduate high school!  The sense of freedom was incredible…until my parents gave me the choice of going to college, joining the military, or getting a job. So off to college I went.  The first year was the absolute worst, again because of being an introverted introvert.  It’s not that I didn’t like people and wasn’t sociable….I was just extremely awkward around people and even more so in social situations.  But I put on my calm face and followed Shakespeare’s “Henry V” by going “Once more into the breach”.

Throughout the bits of my life that I remember, I was seeking to be absent from the world by finding that place where could fit in and be accepted.

Fast forward through the misery that was college and the 8 years of military and a divorce and I now find myself still seeking that place where I can find peace and fit in.  While I have no clue where to find it, I do know what sort of place it is that I feel most at peace.

I like quiet.  I like the environment to be of cool climate.  I like a gentle breeze.  I would like something of a stream or other water.  In a place like this, I could find peace.  There would be no expectation of having to deal with others.

I once thought such a place truly existed.  But am now not so sure.  If it does exist, it is beyond my reach at present and the feeling out of place in this world continues.

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

In The Quiet Stillness

Contemplative StrollQuiet is the best atmosphere my mind enjoys. Quiet, though never silent.  Time when thoughts coalesce and form from the fragments scattered in the mists. Thinking is a wonderful hobby. Contemplating and pondering.

Had someone recently tell me that I was odd for enjoying thoughtful times of quiet. It is they who are odd, for expecting their opinion to change who I am. It has taken a long time for me to accept who I am, and even to like who I am. So there!

A nugget of wisdom I wish to pass along, if I might:

“There is no failure except the failure to try.”

Accept who you are, or accept who others want you to be. Your choice, your life. Take a stroll and mull it over.

I am Paul, and I am an introvert!



Categories: Hmmmmm........ | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chirpy Beware!

I’m NOT a morning person! For the sake of those whose coffee may not have quite activated their ‘start’ button, let me repeat that: I am NOT a morning person. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against morning or its people. I just don’t happen to be one of them.

morning person

When I was in the military, we had to rise at O-it’s-still-dark-thirty, which in civilian speak means “just went to bed.” And what did we do at this glorious time of morning? Dash about with painted faces, hefting our weight in our rucksack, scampering from tree to tree like armadillos on crack. All the while listening to the sweet melody of our drill sergeant reminding us that whatever we were trying to do needed to be done faster, more efficiently, and with greater enthusiasm. We had to decode this encouraging message from the surrounding volumes of profanity, obscenity, and his doubts as to the legitimacy of our parentage.

Upon my exit from the military, my dislike of mornings continued with one exception, coffee! While in the military we were given many things, it just so happens that coffee was not among them. That’s not to say we didn’t make full use of the opportunities to obtain the wicked nectar from various means and methods, but I have gotten off task…

Anyone who knows me will tell you not to speak to me at all before I have had at least 30 minutes of quiet time and coffee. Why? Because, until the second influx of caffeine has been properly infused into my brain, my brain is focused on two things: breathing and not killing those who disturb this routine.

I purposely set my alarm to allow enough time for peace and quiet with my coffee each morning before toddling off to face the day.

Those cheery people who are so perky before my fourth cup has been ingested are like mosquitoes and should be smacked. My job requires focus and concentration, thus in order to be ready for peak performance, I do drink a lot of coffee. While this might explain the bouts of insomnia, I can hardly attribute it entirely as the cause.

I will mere stick to my original premise: I am NOT a morning person!

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Boogle On Or Breathe Peace?

Do we honestly take the time anymore to seek for peace?  Are we REALLY so busy that we can’t take a few minutes to slow down for peaceful moments? 

Our lives are such busy tornadoes of activities, meetings, sporting events, extra-curricular activities, and driving hither and yon trying to keep up with everyone’s lists of activities, and jobs, and the carousel seems to spin faster and faster until you either fall off, or throw up…..(or both).

Why are we so busy ALL the time?  Is it any wonder why we have so many sleep aids on the market?  Is it any wonder why we have more and more stress related illnesses?  Is it any wonder why we have such a demand for anti-anxiety chemicals?

I took three days off a couple of weeks ago, and aside from the continual calls from the office, it was rather enjoyable.  However, I caught myself several times thinking of everything I wanted to cram into the three days, and getting tense trying to figure out how to do it all, that I have to literally jump in the pool fully clothed to change my perspective. 

Life comes at us one breath at a time for a reason. Time was invented so everything doesn’t happen to us all at once.  And yet we try to suck all the breath out of living at one time, and we try harder and harder to defy time so we can do more.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to search for some peace!  I need to step back and take a deep breath one at a time.  Maybe even slow down enough to howl at the moon.

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Serenity NOW!!!!!!


In the midst of all that’s going on around, I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry Stiller, playing Frank Costanza, tries to keep calm by screaming “Serenity NOW!”  SO many times I’ve felt like throwing my hands up and shouting “Serenity NOW!”

There are deadlines, projects, spreadsheets, files, phone calls, tasks, numbers, computers that seem to be in revolt, and then there are……the people!  The people who want to give instruction on how to do your job much better (even though they haven’t a clue what the job entails); the people who just want to complain; the people who want to chat (because, let’s face it, you have nothing else that needs to be done); the people who want to have loud extended discussions right outside your door; people who bring an entirely new meaning to the term “idiocy”; and on and on this list can go.

But I’m beginning to learn, albeit the hard way, that, in order to keep some semblance of sanity, serenity is possible.  Serenity is not the absence of chaos.  Serenity is not the absence of aggravation. Serenity is not the absence of people, where quiet, introspective tranquility reigns supreme.  Serenity is calm in the midst of all that’s going on!

I remember, however vaguely, my Drill Sergeant, from my military days, telling us that the most effective soldier is the one that can keep their focus and calm in the midst of a battle.  Now think this through with me, every day that we are breathing…we are battling something or someone, and usually a lot of both at the same time.  If we are to be effective and sane (take that as you will) then we must find a way to remain focused and calm.

I wish I had the secret of how that is accomplished, but I’m still trying not to cause any physical injury to those who are really starting to chafe me. 


Categories: Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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