Posts Tagged With: thinking

Courtesy And Respect Rant

courtesyCourtesy….no something that is so commonplace any longer.  As an observer of human interactions, I have the opportunity to….well…..observe human interactions.  I was at a coffee shop yesterday, and watched how many people either held the door for the person behind them or held the door so the person behind them could enter first.  Out of 75 people…only 3 held the door.  I did count 17 people who pushed ahead of others to reach the door first (after all, they must surely be more important than anyone else).

What happened to courtesy?  Did it get frustrated and walk away?  Did it become depressed and jumped off a bridge?  Has courtesy become so leprous that it no longer is welcomed?

If someone gives you a ride, do you tell them “Thank You” or is that too much trouble or is the fact that they GAVE you a ride when they didn’t have to just too inconvenient for a response?

If someone allows you to stay in their home with them so you can get your life together, is it asking too much that you behave with courtesy and respect? Or does the fact that they allow you to stay in their home an “entitlement” which they somehow “owe” you, but you are going to do whatever you want and they are going to just have to deal with it and accept it?

I have witnessed these type of discourteous behaviors over and over.  They disgust me!

  • Sincere courtesy shows that you are both respectful and respectable!
  • Being courteous shows that you are a grateful and thankful person, understanding that the things you have to be grateful and thankful for are not owed to you, rather are courtesies.
  • Being courteous and respectful will pave a lot of potholes in an otherwise damaged interaction.
  • Being respectful and courteous can extend the acts for which you are being grateful and thankful for.

Bottom Line: If you want courtesy, be courteous! And, like unto it, If you want respect, be respectful!

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You Are Weird! So Wave Your Flag Proudly!

Weird Flag

Don’t know about you, but I am one of those people who doesn’t seem to truly “fit in” with any particular group or clique. My childhood was spent feeling awkward and out of place.  And to a large extent those same feelings continue today, but the difference is that now, I really just don’t care if I fit in or not.

I was taught that everyone was unique.  Similar, perhaps, but unique.  Cliques were nothing more than a gaggle of folks who want so much to be like their leader that they live false lives.  They live this facade until they even begin to believe their masks are real, which is the true tragedy because the world needs individuals working together in harmony to create that unique situation called “community.”

Imagine life with no masks, where we are real (as frightening as that may seem), where we are more concerned for others than for ourselves because we know others are doing the same.  Yeah, Utopian Ideology.  But my mind can wander through that dream can’t it?

So raise your Weird Banner and wave it proudly with me!  “To thine ownself be true and it must follow, as the night the day, that thou canst not then be false to any man” – Bill Shakespeare.  Methinks Ol’ Bill got it right!

Categories: Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Trampling Is Okay….But Only For Some!

tramplingWe are quite a confusing society, I am learning slowly.  It would seem, to the observer, that one person’s “rights” are more valuable than the “rights” of someone else.  Take for example, I am stopped at a traffic signal with my windows rolled up enjoying the music of my choice at a level that can only be heard by my and the air particles within my car.  Next to me pulls up a driver whose music of choice thumps hard enough that my car vibrates in rhythm and I can no longer hear myself think because her windows are down and she is quite enthusiastic about forcing everyone to listen to her music.  On the other side of me arrives a driver whose windows are up, but whose music is also loud enough to be heard and felt long before his arrival at the intersection.  The drivers on either side of me then engage in a war of music to see who can drown out the other.

Therefore, my question is this: Since when do their “right” to force their music of choice upon me outweigh my “right” to listen to my music of choice?

While I completely understand that we don’t all like the same things.  If we did, what a dull existence we would have….dressing the same, thinking the same, eating the same, living the same, talking the same….BORING!  Yet why am I, a rather quiet introvert, apparently of less value than those who are loud?

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Second Chances

second chanceHave you ever said something you regretted?

Have you ever done something and wished you could have a redo?

I have learned, having been on this spinning orb long enough that my mind frequently loses focus, that every breath is a second chance! Every morning when I wake up, I have another opportunity! Every opportunity to meet someone new is an opportunity to make a new friend.

We spend so much time worrying about the past, and we KNOW the past has already been written. We spend so much time worrying about the future, which has yet to be written. We lose sight of the story we are writing right now!

Take your pen and write YOUR story, mistakes and all because it is truly a tale worth telling over and over.  Every moment is a second chance…make the most of each one!

Categories: Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Keeps You From Flying?

butterfly

Flying seems like it should be a rather simple feat.  One should merely spread one’s wings, flap them vigorously, and off you go.

     We make all sorts of excuses as to why we cannot fly.  We forget excuses are nothing short of our fears being vocalized.

Think about it:

     I’m too heavy!  Okay, perhaps you might be carrying more than you should…learn to let go of what’s holding you down! You see, we are hoarders of the unnecessary.  We hold on to things far longer than they should be held on to, simply because holding on to them brings a sense of comfort to us.

     Take GRUDGES for example.  We carry these mountains around with us for years and YEARS!  Even beyond the point where we can no longer remember what it was that pissed us off in the first place.  Oh we might say we have “let it go” but the truth is we have only taken them from our shoulders to our backpacks.  It’s as if we are actually afraid of trying to exist without them.  We might forget that we have a grudge against someone and, *gasp*, talk to them!  Perhaps even befriend them.

     How about our PREJUDICES?  Whether consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously we have prejudices that must be CONSCIOUSLY dealt with.  I am a Protestant Christian, and for years I was prejudiced against any group that thought differently than I.  Then I took the chance to talk with people who do believe differently than I do, and we have a mutual respect that I won’t try to change their way of believing and they won’t try to change mine.  Some of the nicest people I have met do not believe as I believe.  Yet we wear the armor of prejudices to protect ourselves from having our beliefs challenged, and in so doing, that armor weighs us down!

     I will admit that I am still prejudiced toward people who bring their children into a quiet coffee shop to run rampantly wild, disrupting the force, and generally annoying the patrons.  While their little demons gallivant about upturning chairs, plowing into other customers knocking over their coffee, screaming like banshees, these thoughtful parents/guardians/caretakers find a place to hide.

    We cling to hatred, misconceptions, anger, hurt (real and imagined) like a drowning person clings to anything that floats.  Learning to let go isn’t easy and it takes conscious effort.  But when we are able to let these heavy weights go, we begin to realize that we are not just floating, we are flying.

     Another great thing about flying…you don’t have to have a destination!  You can fly just to change how you see the world around you!

Categories: Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Exploring The Abandoned

Asylum

Yesterday was an interesting day.  I accompanied a friend and we explored one of the long forgotten buildings on the grounds of a psychiatric facility.  The building we explored was where once was housed the “patients” who could not be allowed to mix with the general population of the area.  The facility was now very creepy looking due to the fact that the indigenous flora had begun the reclamation process.  Yet still visible were the windows.  They had been encased in thick metal mesh to allow in light and air, but not allow the residents to send out their various bodily fluids upon any passing staff.

The area had long ago been abandoned to nature, yet there was still a sense of fear, misery, and confusion within the walls.  It was as if the walls themselves had absorbed the feelings of those they once contained.  The walls did not just absorb, the walls feasted on the minds of the confused to the demented.

As we poked around within the remnants of the facility, we located what was once the single shower in this dormitory.  A single rusted large shower head hung uselessly from the shadows of the ceiling like a bat in the dark.  Every step resounded through the vacant dorm like cannon fire; each pane of glass that had fallen to the floor seemed to explode.  My companion told me there were faces in the glass panes, although I couldn’t see them.

When we completed out tentative exploratory incursion within these rotting walls, a sense of sadness and feeling of being abandoned to the unknown coursed through my being like electricity.  I was just about to step back into the car when my eyes fell upon what appeared to be a teddy bear trapped within the vines as if lost by some poor soul seeking release.  However when I drew near enough to touch this bear, it crumbled like ashes from a long dead fire.

I hope to return soon and spend time feeling what these walls hold and listening to the tales left untold.

Categories: Wanderer's Wonderings | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Coffee Chats With Morty…

Coffee ChatToday is one of those days where my schedule is pretty full of sessions to conduct, but they are far enough between that I have the chance to think and ponder.  This is very important for an Introvert, because quiet time to process is almost akin to breathing. But it is during these productive thought parades that I have an internal coffee chat whilst I sit quietly with my coffee.  My internal “Keeper of the Brain Flame” is named Mortimer Farnsfoxington Irakafenfeld-Smythe.  Or for those who are familiar with such an inner companion, “Morty” will do.

Morty and I have been having talks since I can remember. Not the psychotic “break-out-the-strait-jacket” type of conversations, but just trying to see a situation from as many perspectives as possible. This method of perspective seeking has been quite handy during my current occupation as a Law Enforcement Chaplain. Let’s face it, people are quite the odd critter, and some are nuttier than a bald duck on ice.

Morty and I were having a bit of lively debate a while back, partly regarding where to have lunch, and partly about a situation I was dealing with due to one of my counselees feeling they were “not good enough.”  I could empathize with this person, because for most of my life, I have been told that I, too, was not “good enough.” Painful though those times were, and still are, the debate was on.

Me: “What do you think about Jill? How would you handle it?”

Morty: “The question might be about Jill, but the reason you question is closer to home.”

Me: “I have locked that away! Right now, I must help Jill.”

Morty: “By teaching her to lock feelings away? Doesn’t sound very helpful at all.”

Me: “Okay, smart guy, how would YOU deal with Jill!”

Morty: “By facing my own demons first. It’s not a good idea for a blind monkey to lead a blind person through the minefield.”

Me: “Okay, but when that door is open, you know there’s no closing it again.”

Morty: “I do. But let me ask you something before you swing that door open wide, what qualifies you to help anyone?”

Me: “Well, I have several degrees and training and understand the way people can get stuck in these mind traps…”

Morty: ” Oh REALLY? So all that book learning and training, while impressive, helps you deal with other people’s locked doors, but not your own. Interesting!”

Me: “I can’t face mine while I’m trying to help someone else.”

Morty: “You can’t help anyone until you face what you are hiding from.”

Me: “Like what? What is so pressing that I have to face it right now?”

Morty (imitating every voice who has said this to me): “You just aren’t good enough.”

Immediately, my mind recalled the baseball coach who made me play “bench warmer” for three seasons because, no matter how hard I tried and practiced, I just wasn’t good enough.  I remembered the teachers who told me math was not ever going to be something I would be “good enough” to grasp.  I remembered my own parents reminding me that I was the “Number 2 son” and all the times I never was “good enough” to equal my brother’s achievements.  I remembered all the times I had tried as hard as I could, offered all that I had, and was still labeled as “not good enough.”

The door had been opened, and I sat in my car in the far corner of the parking lot, and took punch after brutal punch again for all those times of not being “good enough.” 

Finally, Morty said: “Okay, maybe you weren’t good enough then, but now you understand what it is like to feel not good enough, and you can help.”

Me: “HOW? I feel lower than the bottom of an outhouse pit.”

Morty: “Now that you know how it feels. Why were YOU called by Jill to help?”

Me: “Because I have spoken with her several times, we have developed a rapport, we have mutual respect…”

Morty: “Nope. Here me loud and clear…Jill contacted you because she knows you are good enough to understand and good enough to offer her perspective that can help.”

Me: “Wow, you are pretty insightful to be imaginary.”

Morty: “Yeah, someone has to be, you’d be nuts without me.”

The point that I got from this entire exchange, that was heard by NO ONE, is that we are each here for a reason and a purpose. For that reason and purpose, we ARE good enough! Might take us a long time to reach that point and know why we are here, but at that point, we will be more than merely “good enough.”

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

And The Question Is…

Stress ReductionHaving a bit of a mental wander today. Part of my habit includes listening to people. And of all the conversations I have been party to, there are a few things I’ve never heard:

  • Will you hold my kangaroo while I paint the piano?
  • I really don’t have enough stress in my life.
  • I never learned to smile.
  • I like being around crabby and critical people.
  • Love doesn’t exist.
  • If this makes me look fat then I’ll just have to go naked.
  • Would you please pass me that honey badger.
  • I think I’ll start working on becoming an alcoholic today.
  • Why no, my poop really doesn’t stink.
  • Don’t need to turn the light on, the furniture will move out of my way.

There are probably more, but that would require more coffee and another mental wander.

 

 

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I Am NOT A Complete Idiot…My wisdom teeth are missing

I may not be the brightest bulb in the skylamp, but there do seem to be moments that create some doubt at to my intellectual capabilities. While my physical gaffes tend to leave no doubt as to my prowess and magnificence of physique, the mind is an entirely different muscle…isn’t it?

I’ve regaled you previously with the fact that I have the distinction of having been hospitalized for several days after falling up a tree. (Yes, even when my feet aren’t touching the ground I am directionally challenged).  Not to mention the fact that many of my friends do not like it when I am the driver for fear we will end up on one of Jupiter’s moons.

I must wonder if the purpose of having a photo ID badge is so others can confirm your identity, or is it in case you forget? I had someone ask me my date of birth. I could not for the life of me remember it. Let’s face it, such a date does not get added to my calendar, nor do I send myself birthday cards. Although perhaps I should start. Ever have one of those brainfart moments when you recognize someone’s face but cannot remember their name? And it gets worse when they call you by name and walk over for a chat, while you are drawing a complete blank. (I hope my family will forgive my blank expression).

 Memory is something I wanted to understand more, but forgot to remember to look into it further. For some reason, I remember everything I am supposed to do each day until I actually sit down at my desk. It isn’t until around the fourth cup of coffee that the fog begins to fade, and I spend the rest of the day playing catch up. I’m finding myself spending more and more time, expending enormous effort simply to remember to wear pants when venturing out of doors to collect the mail, or walk the dog, or speak to the neighbors. Honestly, it is my belief that other people appreciate when all my cylinders are sparking and I remember pants.  

Then again, perhaps my absent-mindedness can be attributed to the fact that I am a genius who cannot be bothered with mundane thoughtage…or perhaps I really am an idiot. I was going somewhere with this, but lost my way during the mindless babbling. Oh well, perhaps next time.

Categories: Fortress of Solitude, Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Hypnotically Mesmerized

Mesmerizing…Clouds heavy with moisture…  
image

Watching the thick grey clouds drift by the window like whipped cream across hot cocoa.   Okay, perhaps not the best analogy, but they were grey, they were clouds, and they did drift.  And there I sat almost hypnotized.  

Please stop chuckling at the fact that so many things can capture my focus.  I can sit for hours watching the flame of a candle (btw, there’s an app for that), while my mind fades into some ethereal place where time is has no meaning and meaning has no time.    

It seems to be a most rare option these days…focusing.  We live in a world of constant distractions, lots of noise, lots of visual and auditory input. Yet when was the last time you sat quietly and watched the patterns of the raindrops on a window, or quietly listened to the rhythm of the wind in the leaves, just sat quietly?  

I went to one of my favorite thinking spots the other day in order to ponder the deep thoughts of the day, okay there MAY have been a pint or two involved.  Perhaps it’s just me, and perhaps not, but my perception was this…the moment I started reading and concentrating was the moment those around me seemed to have something to discuss with me.  

Those who know me can attest to the fact that I am not a chatterer.  I have a strong dislike for small-talk (what is known in Southern Regions as “chit-chat”).  Perhaps I am socially awkward in a dysfunctional sort of way, but it doesn’t rumple my stiltskin one iota to sit in silence.  

Those who know me also will most likely confirm that I tend to get a wee bit cranky with lots of extraneous noise.   One of the joys I get out of life is people watching.  Observing people going about their every day lives and watching (and listening) to their interactions (if you talk loud enough to me to hear you, I will listen. Just like if you are brazen enough to show me, I am brazen enough to look).  

One oddity I’ve found, and I realize there are exceptions, is that chatty people tend to shut up when they enter elevators with people they don’t know.  However, the cellphone chatterers don’t stop talking for anything.  

Have we lost the gift of quiet?

Categories: Hmmmmm........, Koffee Klatch, Perspectives, Wanderer's Wonderings, Wandering Mind | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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