AHHHhhhhhhh…….

There was a time when I had not a concern in the world….and then I was born.  It’s amazing the things I found to be stressful as a child.  Having to make new friends at school was absolutely terrifying for me, being an introvert.  Having to learn math and spelling and grammar and history and learning to deal with the cliques….it was stressful, to say the least, and led to many sleepless nights.

These anxieties continued throughout my school years, with the inclusion of having to learn geometry, trigonometry, calculus, the sciences, foreign languages, more clearly defined cliques.  Life had become quite the challenge.  Most days I didn’t want to even get out of bed, but if I didn’t get out of bed, I wouldn’t go to school and if I didn’t go to school, I would have to endure it all again next year with a whole new pool of people.

FINALLY, I managed to graduate high school!  The sense of freedom was incredible…until my parents gave me the choice of going to college, joining the military, or getting a job. So off to college I went.  The first year was the absolute worst, again because of being an introverted introvert.  It’s not that I didn’t like people and wasn’t sociable….I was just extremely awkward around people and even more so in social situations.  But I put on my calm face and followed Shakespeare’s “Henry V” by going “Once more into the breach”.

Throughout the bits of my life that I remember, I was seeking to be absent from the world by finding that place where could fit in and be accepted.

Fast forward through the misery that was college and the 8 years of military and a divorce and I now find myself still seeking that place where I can find peace and fit in.  While I have no clue where to find it, I do know what sort of place it is that I feel most at peace.

I like quiet.  I like the environment to be of cool climate.  I like a gentle breeze.  I would like something of a stream or other water.  In a place like this, I could find peace.  There would be no expectation of having to deal with others.

I once thought such a place truly existed.  But am now not so sure.  If it does exist, it is beyond my reach at present and the feeling out of place in this world continues.

I’m NOT Weird! Well….Perhaps I Am. But Just A Bit!

I like people, generally speaking.  Some I find more tolerable than others.  Some of the more gregarious ones tend to make me feel completely exhausted, and also arouse my suspicions as to their sincerity.

You see, I am very much an Introvert! I am quiet, by nature, and prefer to observe rather than lead.  I notice….oh yes, I notice more than I say.  Didn’t think anyone saw you picking your nose during staff meeting? Yeah, I noticed.  Didn’t think anyone heard you belch into your napkin so delicately pretending to sneeze?  Yeah, I noticed that too.  Not much subtlety escapes my notice, I just don’t feel the need to voice it.

I like to sit quietly and read or write.  Whilst engaged in this pasttime, I am still quietly noticing.  I use reflective surfaces as mirrors, so I noticed you adjusting your “unmentionables”.  My ears are sensitive and hear your whispers.

No, I am not some creepy prowler.  I am just a quiet observer.  I like working by myself.  I like spending as much time being quiet as I possibly can.  Loud people who are loud just for he sake of being loud or in an effort to be “intimidating” piss me off.  Just because I am quiet does not, by any stretch, mean that I am weak or afraid.  I am calculating when I must be.

I like thinking things through.  Granted, not all of my thoughts work as imagined, but I learn from that and file it away for next time.  I am constantly learning; constantly thinking; constantly observing.  My mind wakes me up at night because it wants more input when my body wants sleep.

Because I am constantly thinking, I am also caring.  I am a wonderful listener.  I enjoy spending one-to-one time.  I do have friends, but my true friends are a very small and tight knit group.  I like to vacation to places that are off the beaten path.  I like to sing in the car (partly because I sing very badly but mainly because I feel comfortable when alone in the car).  I am perfectly comfortable sitting in silence.

I am an Introvert, not anti-social.  I may be an Introvert, but I also have feelings.

I am an Introvert!  And you cannot change that about me, so please don’t try!

Give Heed And Stop Feeding The Greed!

As Thanksgiving approaches, and the Christmas adverts have already begun, I simply cannot wrap my mind around it.  I just cannot fathom the sheer capacity of greed in our society!  Every year, Black Friday sales seem to start earlier and earlier.  Every year the crowds become rowdier and more violent.  Every year the face of GREED makes itself more and more visible.

People are willing to trample others, quite literally to death, for a television or toy or some other object that will need to be replaced or repaired before the credit card is paid off.  Human life becomes of less value than stuff!  Yet people, year after year, grab as much as they can.

What about the workers in these stores?  I have a friend who worked as a cashier at StuffMart last Christmas season who told me that she had to wear Depends Adult Diapers because they were so busy she didn’t have a chance to even go to the restroom.  Had another friend who worked at a Mall who said there were so many fights over stuff that he lost count (after 40).  What’s WRONG with people?

There are families that actually work out a plan so they can grab as much stuff as they possibly can for their clan.  They map it out, work out strategies, have communication devices always at the ready, and some even have practice runs for several months in advance.  WHY?

When I was growing up, we were told that we could make a list of FIVE items that were less than $50.  Of those five items “Santa” would pick one, possibly two, of them.  We were taught that the season was about the love of friends and family, not about stuff.  True, I would envy my friends who had GOBS of gifts.  But the older I got, the more I noticed that these same people were never happy with what they had received and were certainly not grateful!  In fact, they became more and more demanding!

I told my family, several years ago, that I would only purchase one small item for each of them.  They were welcome to accept it with gratitude or respectfully decline it.  It has worked well so far.  Our holidays are much less stressful and we aren’t bruised, battered, or dead from the invading hordes of the greedy!

Is THIS what we have become?

Courtesy And Respect Rant

Courtesy….no something that is so commonplace any longer.  As an observer of human interactions, I have the opportunity to….well…..observe human interactions.  I was at a coffee shop yesterday, and watched how many people either held the door for the person behind them or held the door so the person behind them could enter first.  Out of 75 people…only 3 held the door.  I did count 17 people who pushed ahead of others to reach the door first (after all, they must surely be more important than anyone else).

What happened to courtesy?  Did it get frustrated and walk away?  Did it become depressed and jumped off a bridge?  Has courtesy become so leprous that it no longer is welcomed?

If someone gives you a ride, do you tell them “Thank You” or is that too much trouble or is the fact that they GAVE you a ride when they didn’t have to just too inconvenient for a response?

If someone allows you to stay in their home with them so you can get your life together, is it asking too much that you behave with courtesy and respect? Or does the fact that they allow you to stay in their home an “entitlement” which they somehow “owe” you, but you are going to do whatever you want and they are going to just have to deal with it and accept it?

I have witnessed these type of discourteous behaviors over and over.  They disgust me!

• Sincere courtesy shows that you are both respectful and respectable!
• Being courteous shows that you are a grateful and thankful person, understanding that the things you have to be grateful and thankful for are not owed to you, rather are courtesies.
• Being courteous and respectful will pave a lot of potholes in an otherwise damaged interaction.
• Being respectful and courteous can extend the acts for which you are being grateful and thankful for.

Bottom Line: If you want courtesy, be courteous! And, like unto it, If you want respect, be respectful!

Perspective…It’s All In How You Look At It!

Many years ago, when textbooks were written on stone tablets, my Philosophy Professor shared with us a story.

One brilliant professor decided to gather all of his colleagues from across the world for a symposium where they would pose a question and then share their wisdom, knowledge, intellect, and show the world why they were so brilliant.  So he issued invitations which included the question to be discussed: “If you found yourself stranded on an island, what single would you want?”

The Symposium began and each scholar was to present their conclusion to the premise and the others would discuss the answer in order to determine which would be the most brilliant answer to be presented to showcase the amassed intellect.  One professor boldly declared that he would need all of his books, in order to keep his mind occupied for the rest of his life.  Another shouted him down stating that he would need his wine collection in order to maintain some semblance of civilization.  While yet another proclaimed that the only possible answer would be endless delicacies, after all, one needs to eat and should be able to dine well.

Before long the discussion went from simple to ludicrous to bizarre to over-the-top extravagance in which only a mansion of purest polished marble with priceless furnishings and gardens with fountains and endless luxuries would be required in order to survive on this island.

During this Symposium, Wilhelm the Janitor, had been sweeping and emptying the trash in each room in the building.  The conference auditorium was the last one in the building so he waited patiently for these learned men to finish their discussion so he could clean up.  The hosting Professor, thinking to have a bit of fun, told Wilhelm that if he had a better answer than anyone else, then the Professors would do the cleaning for him for the rest of their lives.  Wilhelm agreed.

The professor could hardly contain his smirk, and the others chuckled none too quietly, as Wilhelm was asked the question: “If you found yourself stranded on an island, what single would you want?” Wilhelm, without batting an eye, answered: “To be rescued.”

You see, we tend to take that which is simple and complicate it by taking it to extremes it was never meant to experience.  Perspective is all in how you look at life.

I’m NOT Dead? Well, Then…What Now?

Each morning, I hear the birds chirping as they begin their busy day of bug hunting, nest building, and flitting from hither to yon.

Each morning, I smell the air through the open window.

Each morning, I taste the exquisite flavor of the juicing of that naughty bean we call “coffee.”

And each morning is a reminder that I am not yet dead!  My life is not yet over.  I still have opportunities and choices.  There are still people to annoy; books to read; stories to write; songs to sing badly;food to enjoy; beer to savor; family to…well y’know how family is.

Each morning is a reminder that we are ALIVE and we should not sit about wondering what to do (as if we’re surprised we’re not dead), we should be about the business of reminding ourselves and the rest of the world’s patrons that WE ARE ALIVE DAMMIT! 

Not get the hell away from my coffee!!!

Fitness Fanatics, Servers, and Annoying Salespeople…A Rant!

I get the fact that some people wish to work out and work out and work out and work out.  I get that all their working out apparently triggers a “piss everyone else off” synapse because they suddenly become like the Energizer Bunny with a volume and intensity that can be felt moment they step into the same building.  They puff and posture as they talk about their latest workout/fitness routine as they drink gallons of some concoction from their “shaker bottles.”  And THEN they start in on everyone else with such comments like: “You depressed? Don’t wuss out and talk about it, SWEAT IT OUT!” or “Why are you eating all that crap?” or “Crossfit/Basic/Powerlifting/etc. changed me into AWESOME!”

I get that they are proud of their accomplishment, yet I am curious as to whether they realize how much it will take to maintain their “AWESOME” for the rest of their lives.  I give as example my High School reunion of a number of years which we won’t discuss.  The beefy jocks had become more paunch than muscle…their beefcake had deteriorated into jerky…yet the jerk attitude remained.

And then I have people who constantly tout the latest multi-level marketing health and fitness company which has “the best products out today.”  More powders to mix in your shaker, more vitamins and supplements to ingest at specific times and an entire menu of raw foods which are to be eaten every two hours.  And all at a nice little price tag that is more than I earn in two-months. I admit that I was suckered into a few of these programs because the people who were selling it were friends and they were pretty and they said the right cheerleader type peptalk peppered with zen like wisdom, and I am basically just a big sucker for a pretty face.  But when I commented about how expensive this program was getting (to the point I was having to choose between putting fuel in my car to get to work to earn the money to buy their crap or live in a van down by the river so I can spend my unemployment check buying a small bit of their crap), and I was suddenly considered to be a “loser” and an “inconsequential.”

Then I happen to have to deal with the salespeople who, I realize, work on commission and are so very eager to make a sale quick so they can move on to the next sale.  I actually had one overly excited young man start trying to finish my sentences for me when I was trying to tell him what I was looking for.  I could tell he was getting irritated with my questions when he began scanning the people walking through behind me and his eyes teared up.  Let me be extremely clear here: There is a reason I came to your establishment, and if you want me to spend MY money in your establishment, then give me the courtesy of your attention and make the experience such that I will not only want to come back, but I will want to recommend to others.

Finally, I would like to discuss bartenders and servers.  Yes, I know you work for LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE, so I don’t need to be told that every time I come in.  Yes, I know gratuities are your bread and butter.  Yes, I realize that I am not a hot hunk of eye candy.  But YOU need to understand that when I come to your establishment (especially if you know I am a regular whether I am your regular or not) I will be spending my money.  I CHOSE to come to your establishment to spend my money.  And when I have chosen to spend my money at your establishment, I have factored in a HUGE gratuity often in the 75-90%.  But you see, the gratuity YOU will receive depends entirely on YOU!

There was an restaurant I had been frequenting for the last 10 years.  I was friends with many of the staff and the staff made it clear that they WANTED me to sit in their section.  They would smile, some would even hug me, they remembered my name, and even seemed to be glad I had come in.  Slowly, over time, as life is wont to do, these staff members went on to further their educations or had taken another job or simply found something else to do with their lives.  So, the staff who was left, knowing that I had been a good regular customer because they had witnessed it, ignored me when I came in.  The last time I went in to get a beer, not only did the bartender no even acknowledge my presence, but none of the staff even smiled at me.  They were ALL huddled in the corner of the bar area, with the “pretty people” (who leave no gratuity) laughing about something that had been posted on Facebook.  After 30 minutes of this (and I was one of only four people sitting at the bar), I left.  I am a advocate of: “If you want good customer service, BE a good customer.”  But I am also an advocate of: “If you want a good gratuity, BE a good server.”

Okay, rant over and I am off to find a new place to spend my money!

You Are Weird! So Wave Your Flag Proudly!

Don’t know about you, but I am one of those people who doesn’t seem to truly “fit in” with any particular group or clique. My childhood was spent feeling awkward and out of place.  And to a large extent those same feelings continue today, but the difference is that now, I really just don’t care if I fit in or not.

I was taught that everyone was unique.  Similar, perhaps, but unique.  Cliques were nothing more than a gaggle of folks who want so much to be like their leader that they live false lives.  They live this facade until they even begin to believe their masks are real, which is the true tragedy because the world needs individuals working together in harmony to create that unique situation called “community.”

Imagine life with no masks, where we are real (as frightening as that may seem), where we are more concerned for others than for ourselves because we know others are doing the same.  Yeah, Utopian Ideology.  But my mind can wander through that dream can’t it?

So raise your Weird Banner and wave it proudly with me!  “To thine ownself be true and it must follow, as the night the day, that thou canst not then be false to any man” – Bill Shakespeare.  Methinks Ol’ Bill got it right!

Trampling Is Okay….But Only For Some!

We are quite a confusing society, I am learning slowly.  It would seem, to the observer, that one person’s “rights” are more valuable than the “rights” of someone else.  Take for example, I am stopped at a traffic signal with my windows rolled up enjoying the music of my choice at a level that can only be heard by my and the air particles within my car.  Next to me pulls up a driver whose music of choice thumps hard enough that my car vibrates in rhythm and I can no longer hear myself think because her windows are down and she is quite enthusiastic about forcing everyone to listen to her music.  On the other side of me arrives a driver whose windows are up, but whose music is also loud enough to be heard and felt long before his arrival at the intersection.  The drivers on either side of me then engage in a war of music to see who can drown out the other.

Therefore, my question is this: Since when do their “right” to force their music of choice upon me outweigh my “right” to listen to my music of choice?

While I completely understand that we don’t all like the same things.  If we did, what a dull existence we would have….dressing the same, thinking the same, eating the same, living the same, talking the same….BORING!  Yet why am I, a rather quiet introvert, apparently of less value than those who are loud?

Uhhhhh……Ummmmm……Huh?

I have always been quite the curious lad.  My mind seems drawn to what many take for granted and I want to know of the origins, the reasons, the causes, and such.  As a child, I was encouraged to hold my tongue and keep silent (usually with the ear pinch or whack to the seat of the pants).  But my mind is relentlessly curious and occasionally observant.

• Why does Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal promote cannibalism by showing their cereal bits devouring each other on their commercials?
• Who was the first person to get a college degree?  How did they know they had learned enough to earn that degree?
• Why do we, as a society, continue to make stupid people famous?  Do we truly have nothing better to do with our lives than to watch their lives implode?
• Why do we insist on enhancing our bodies surgically in an ongoing effort to “look younger”?  What’s wrong with being who you are?
• Why are there no quiet wrappers on foods or candies so you can eat in peace without having the scroungers coming around to pester you for some?
• Why do parents bring their children to a quiet place, like a library or a coffee shoppe, only to let them run rampant like screeching monkeys attacking each other for the last banana?
• Why do we demand respect yet believe showing respect is a sign of weakness?
• We spend so much time working that we have to have someone else raise our children (that we somehow found the time to create and birth), and then complain about how tired we are only to take a vacation to go someplace coastal only to spend the time either cramming so many activities into our time away that we return more tired than when we left, OR we spend the time away working through our phones, tablets, and various other devices?
• Why do people poke holes into their bodies big enough to show the inner workings of their bodies then complain that no one will hire them and expect those with jobs to support them?
• Why is it that on all the episodes of people being stranded in the wilderness or on some deserted island or forsaken encampment it is only the men who end up needing a shave?
• Why is it on these same episodes that only the beautiful girls get lost?
• Why do we need “reality shows”?  Do we not live true reality every day?  Of course, true reality is not as melodramatic or so badly overacted.
• Why are there some people who simply seem incapable of NOT talking?

I’m just a curious lad whose mind seeks answers.